Hungry For Your Love
by realjena
Summary: Twenty years has passed since Eric and Sookie parted ways after a toxic teenage romance. What happens when Eric receives an unexpected phone call late one night? Mature content for language and sexual situations. All human. *Complete*
1. Lips Of An Angel

_**This little guy came from loving this song (song lyrics provided at end), as well as a couple others, and the real possibility that this could have been me, with a love from my past. You never **__**really**__** get over that first love, do you? (Note from MissyDee...sister, this could be any one of us! I can hear his voice now lol)**_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being my rockstar betas!**_  
><em><strong>Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlene Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.<strong>_

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EPOV

"Hello," a voice that can't possibly be so familiar to me says quietly. There's no way it's _her_. I haven't talked to her in nearly two decades.

I sit stunned, completely unable to speak. Felicia walks by my office and pauses to ask if I'm alright, she says I look ill. _Well, I fucking feel nauseous, so I'm not shocked I look it. _

"I'm fine, honey," I assure her quietly as I motion to the phone. "Stomach's off, and there's bullshit at the bar." I'm not going to tell my wife that the love of my life might very well be on the other end of the line.

Thankfully Felicia is more than used to the bar coming between our nights together. If I'm not actually at work, I'm getting a half dozen or more calls. Having two kids and a wife is not exactly easy when you own a bar. But, such is the chaos that is my life.

Speaking of chaos…

"Hello, Eric, you there?" It's like a choir of angels singing - hearing her sweet voice speaking my name after all this time.

"Yeah, I'm here," I breathe into the receiver. "Is it really you?" I don't know if I'll laugh, or cry if it isn't.

"It's me," she pauses and takes a deep breath. "How've you been, Eric."  
>I don't even know how to answer that. How <em>have <em>I been? I moved across country when you got engaged to some dick you barely knew…how've I been? _Fucking ducky_ – thanks.

"Uhh, I've been okay. I guess. How about you?" I manage to stutter out.

How is it that a voice I haven't heard in nearly twenty years has me stuttering, with fucking butterflies in my stomach, like a teenager with a crush. My wife's in the next room and my kids are asleep down the hall – yet here I am with memories of a life not lived whizzing through my head.

She sniffles, "I'm…I'm good." Almost so quietly I miss it, before she adds, "I miss you, everyday."

Fuck. My. Life. What the fuck am I supposed do I do with that?

"Sookie," I sigh. Her name feels like heaven tumbling from my lips. I haven't spoken that name in years. _I think it _– Every day. Sometimes I think of her – her name, her lips, her body, her every fucking thing – multiple times every day. But I _never_ speak of her – ever.

"Sookie, it's been nearly twenty years. You miss me now?"

"I've missed you always, every day – always, Eric." Felicia walks by again at this moment and I can tell she knows something's going on. I try to smile reassuringly at her, but I can tell she's not buying it.

"Honey, why are you crying? Is everything okay?" I'm trying to be as quiet as possible; I'm in enough shit with my wife already.

"No." she says quietly. "No, Eric, everything isn't okay." She cries harder.

I want to reach through the phone and pull her to me. Between her tears and the way my name sounds coming from her mouth, I'd sell my soul right now to comfort her.

Not for the first time in my married life, I wished this woman on the phone were the woman in my bed. The one to share my last name, the mother of my children. Fuck. I guess I never really did move on from her.

"What's the matter, honey?" I never could stand to hear her cry. "Please don't cry, Sookie. You know I hate it when you cry," I plead. I swear - I'd do almost anything to get her to stop right now. Selling my soul, twice, would not be out of the question.

Twenty years. Twenty long years since I last spoke to her. Yet in less than two minutes – I'd give everything I am to be holding her right now.

She laughs slash snorts into the phone and apologizes for crying. We're quiet for a moment, I'm guessing she's as lost on what to do next as I am. In an instant, it all comes flooding back to me…

*****

_Me seeing her on the Ferris wheel at the county fair for the first time, after just moving to town._

_Seeing her from across the pool and park all that first summer, but never daring to talk to her._

_Seeing her in school that first day._

_Riding my bike over to her friend's house with Rene that first time. Smoking pot with her, Rene, and Tara that day behind the doctor's office next door._

_Our first phone call – and getting grounded for tying up the phone line for five hours. The dozens of other calls that finally led up to her being my girlfriend._

_The fuckhot make-out sessions that never led to sex – for six fucking months. We weren't each other's firsts, but it was the first time either of us would be in love before having sex with someone._

_Us finally consummating our love, behind a dance club in the middle of February. In a snow bank, on our coats._

_My dick REALLY appreciated the dip in the snow when some asshat turned their truck lights on us. She shoved me off of her, and poor Eric Jr. got the shock of his existence._

_Every laugh. Every touch. Holy hell, she was my world._

_All those horrible fights and lies. Making each other jealous with people we only ended up using. The makeup sex, the breakup sex. The phone calls made by both of us begging for another chance. We were both so fucking young and stupid._

_She's the only female in the world I've ever struck. One night and one too many recreational drugs later – I fucking lost it when she slapped me and ended up punching her in the mouth. I still can't believe it happened. It's one of my biggest regrets in life. I'd gone out that night trying to find her for another chance; she'd had enough of my drugs and drinking and didn't want anything more to do with me – I'd finally pushed her far enough._

_Then finally knowing that I couldn't stay in that town and watch her marry another. Too many things had happened between us for it to work. The crazy had taken over both of us._

_The last time we spoke was in the break room of that run-down old grocery store we both worked in. She'd heard about my plans to move from one of the cashiers; I'd had no intention of telling her. Had she asked me to stay – I would have._

_But that's not what happened. She cursed me for letting her hear it from someone else, then she cursed me for leaving. Inside, my heart was breaking – but I never told her. I just told her it was time, and that if she insisted on marring someone else, well…I didn't have to stay around and watch._

_She asked when she'd see me again. I'd told her never. I'd meant it, too. I would never stop loving this beautiful girl – there was no denying it. But I didn't have to admit it to her either. So I simply stood up, pulled her into our final embrace and told her I wanted her to be happy._

"_I'll always love you, Eric. I'm sorry it's worked out this way – I just can't do the crazy anymore," she sobbed into my chest._

"_I'll always love you too, sweetcheeks. You take care now." I kissed the top of her head, squeezed her tighter for a split second – and never saw or spoke to her again._

_I moved to California the following week and I've been back to the old stomping grounds only once since then – and that was to marry Felicia._

Twenty long years later, and the love I've never lost for this little girl hits me like a ton of fucking bricks.

"I know you hate it, Eric. Hell, I hate it too." She's sniffling quietly; I can almost hear her twirling her hair, just like she always used to when she was sad. "It's really good to hear your voice again; it's been so long."

I can hear my wife puttering in the hallway; obviously she's trying to figure out who's on the phone. I'm a grown ass man that has to resort to whispering like a fucking child. _Fabulous_ – yay me. "It's really good to hear your voice too, Sook." I debate for all of a second before adding the next part, "Hearing my name come from your sweet lips still makes me weak in the knees." Did I really just admit that? Like in my out loud voice? What. The. Fuck!

A small sob escapes her and I want to kick my _own_ ass for making her cry. "I dream of you, baby." _Baby…well, holy shit_. She hasn't called me that in forever. "Almost every night lately."

Huh. I had the most vivid fucking dream of her last night. This is getting fucking creepy. "It's funny you're calling me and talking about dreams, Sook."

I have to pause as Felicia enters the office once again. "Sam, could you hold a minute, Fifi needs something."

A really loud fucking snort comes from Sookie, making me smile broadly as I hear her say, "Sam, Fifi – what the fuck've you got going on over there, baby?" I chuckle quickly and tell her to can it, which earns me another round of giggles from the receiver.

I'm still smiling when I ask my wife what she needs. She reminds me that I need to read the boys a story before bed. "Umm, Fifi…they've been asleep for a couple of hours now – and I read them their story." I'm in deep shit later, she's grasping at straws here.

Her face scrunches up right before she informs me that I promised her 'sexy' time tonight. _Joy_. Oh how could I forget the good time that is my wife in the sack. I assure her that I remember and that I won't be more than another ten minutes at most. She still doesn't seem happy, but she does leave the room without an argument.

"Sookie," I whisper, "I can't stay on the phone too much longer. My wife is home, as you heard, and it's kind of hard to talk right now." I want to break down and cry at the thought of getting off the phone with her. "Does he know you're talking to me?"

"No, there's a lot to tell you," she pauses. Her voice drops in volume and all humor is gone, "I don't want to say goodbye yet. I just found you again."

"I don't want to say goodbye either, Sookie. I never want to say goodbye again, but I can't stay on the phone with you tonight."

"Eric, what would you say if I told you that I'm in California right now?"

My fucking heart stopped. Dead – on the spot. "Did you just say you're…you're here?" Holy fucking shit on a shingle! Could she really be here?

"I did."

What would I say? "I'd say when can I see you?" I want to ask if this very fucking second is too soon...but I don't. Wife. I've got a wife. Down the hall. A wife. Right.

She sighs loudly. "I was _really_ hoping you'd say that," she giggles finally. "How's tomorrow work for you?"

Now it's my turn to laugh. "Twenty years since I've seen you last, honey. It's not soon enough, but it will have to do."

We chat briefly about where to meet, since my bar will not be the best idea with the way Felicia is behaving. She's staying about an hour from me so I volunteer to drive out her way and pick her up at her hotel.

Is it the smartest idea I've ever had? Probably not.

Do I give a fat, red, flying rat's ass? Not even a little.

My biggest regrets in this life all center around the voice on my phone. We bid our goodnights, which takes another few minutes. Neither of us seems to want to let go of this night. Then we take another few trying to reassure the other that tomorrow's not too far away.

"Sookie, honey, I've got to go. I'm so sorry and you know I don't want to." That much should be obvious, since my dumbass can't seem to hang up. "Felicia's going to have an aneurism any moment, swear to god." She's pacing in the room next door; I can hear it. "If she really blows a gasket, it won't be easy to get to you tomorrow."

That seems to get her attention. "We can't have that, Eric. There's so much I need to say to you." She pauses briefly and suddenly bursts out laughing. "You'll have to explain to me why you call your wife a poodle's nickname when I see you tomorrow, you know."

"Sweetcheeks, if you'll laugh like that, I'll tell you anything you want to know." I freeze when I realize I actually called her 'Sweetcheeks.' Holy shit, that's a pet name I haven't used in nearly two decades.

It doesn't go unnoticed by her, either. After another small sob, she finally agrees to hang up. I'm suddenly sixteen all over again when we do the whole 'you hang up, no you hang up – on three' thing. It's surreal, and strange, and so fucking amazing.

I stare at the phone for a minute after we disconnect, just shocked at what a weird turn my life has just taken. As I push away from my desk to go have horribly boring, and predictable, sex with my wife another realization crashes down on me.

It's going to be hard to be faithful. Maybe even impossible. I can barely stomach the thought of sex with my wife most nights and tomorrow I'm meeting _my_ Sookie at a fucking hotel room.

I'm so fucking screwed.

**"Lips Of An Angel" By Hinder**

Honey why you calling me so late?  
>It's kinda hard to talk right now.<br>Honey why are you crying? Is everything okay?  
>I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud<p>

Well, my girl's in the next room  
>Sometimes I wish she was you<br>I guess we never really moved on  
>It's really good to hear your voice saying my name<br>It sounds so sweet  
>Coming from the lips of an angel<br>Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
>But girl you make it hard to be faithful<br>With the lips of an angel

It's funny that you're calling me tonight  
>And, yes, I've dreamt of you too<br>And does he know you're talking to me  
>Will it start a fight<br>No I don't think she has a clue

Well my girl's in the next room  
>Sometimes I wish she was you<br>I guess we never really moved on  
>It's really good to hear your voice saying my name<br>It sounds so sweet  
>Coming from the lips of an angel<br>Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye  
>But girl you make it hard to be faithful<br>With the lips of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name  
>It sounds so sweet<br>Coming from the lips of an angel  
>Hearing those words it makes me weak<p>

And I never wanna say goodbye  
>But girl you make it hard to be faithful<br>With the lips of an angel

And I never wanna say goodbye  
>But girl you make it hard to be faithful<br>With the lips of an angel

Honey why you calling me so late?

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><em><strong>I'm not sure if this will be just a couple of chapters yet, or if it will be a bit lengthier. We'll have to see what the muses have to say.<strong>_

_**I know some of you are probably hating on me for the possibility that Eric might cheat – but life's messy. I love a good HEA and respecting of the vows and all…but sometimes, that's just not how life works out. **_  
><em><strong>I can't say he will cheat, I can't say he won't. I haven't gotten there just yet and I literally write on the fly. No game plan, no outline. The muses dictate what goes down depending on their moods.<strong>_

_**Oh, and as far as Eric hitting her once - obviously I don't condone violence against women - but I do say that if you're going to hit someone, you should expect to get hit back. Violence begets violence and all that. Plus, when this really did happen to me as a kid, it was only once and it was all because of the drugs 'my Eric' was taking at the time...it's not right, but it is life.**_

_**Please let me know what you think – good or bad – hate mail included if necessary! Lol**_

_**Love you all bunches and tons!**_


	2. The Way It Is

_**So there's been a pretty great response to this story so far and thank you to everyone who added it, or me, to your lists. **_

_**Many of you are worried about them cheating, and I still don't know exactly where this is going – but I do promise that if they do cheat, it won't be a taken lightly kind of issue. This might be fiction, but there are still morals in fiction. Blasé about infidelity is not cool.**_

_**Here's our girl, Sookie – let's see where she's at mentally…**_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being allstar betas! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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SPOV

I sit for close to twenty minutes after I hang up with Eric, just staring at my phone. I can't fucking believe I finally found him – much less talked to him. Maybe things are finally starting to look up for me.

I've been looking for him for _years_. I don't hang with a lot of the old crowd anymore; too much had happened between Eric and me for the closeness to remain after our split. I still have my friends from high school, and though I considered many of 'our' friends mine too, in the end they really were his friends. When there was no more _us_, there was no more them. I don't resent any of them, nor do I harbor any ill will about it, but apparently they don't all feel the same way about me.

No one would help me with getting in touch with him, no matter how much I begged. I finally ended up paying for one of those people search things online in order to find him – no bullshit, they work. Many of the old gang thought it was foolish for me to search him out after all this time – after all, we're both married.

While marriage is certainly a valid reason not to go looking for an ex-fiancé, sometimes lightning strikes your world and changes your perspective on life. So when things went all flash-bang in my universe, I came to the decision that there are certain mistakes I've made in my life which I need to rectify before I leave this earth for good. One of these things is telling Eric everything I've wanted to say for so long.

I'm not sure yet how all this will play out. I'm nervous as hell and really worried about the possibility that I'll ruin his marriage; mine's already pretty much on death's door so it doesn't matter as much to me, but I don't want to split up a happy family. Navigating these waters will be tricky, but I know I can't live the rest of my life without laying it all on the line with him.

Simply put, life's too short.

Am I being a selfish bitch for injecting myself into his life after all this time? I'm sure I am. I know a lot of people will probably call me all sorts of charming things for doing this, but I couldn't give a shit. Am I setting out to be a home wrecker? No, but I also can't find the energy to care if I end up as one - provided it's what he wants. Again, I know a lot of folks will have staggering opinions on my attitude, but that's the way it is.

My whole life has been about other people; my parents, my grandparents, my friends, Eric back then, Alcide, and every man after him – all leading up to my husband, Bill. Bill is a wonderful man; he's kind and generous and has stood by me through thick and thin. But I don't love him. Not like I should. Too much has happened between us for me to carry the love for him I once had. I still think he's one of the best men I've ever met, but that doesn't translate to passion and romance. I love him, but it's been a long while since I've been _in love_ with him.

Bill and I have decided to separate, which is how I ended up out here for at least the next two weeks. I started out visiting an old friend in San Francisco – he's an artist and is doing quite well for himself in the bay area. Then I met Amelia and Tray in Napa for the weekend for some wine and sights. Now I'm in Sacramento, where Amelia and Tray live. They've offered me the garage apartment at their place, but until I'm I've got a firmer grip on what's happening I'm at the Citizen Hotel on J St. Eric is in Placerville which is about an hour west from here apparently; without traffic it should be only forty minutes, but this is California so it might be _more_ than an hour.

I'm going to fucking see him tomorrow. _Holy fucking shit!_ Jesus, I'll never sleep tonight.

I finally get up from the chair and go to shower before bed; I may not sleep tonight, but at least I can use the giant fucking tub to relax in. Seriously, this thing's amazing! It's easily big enough for four of me – or two of Eric.

Fuck, just thinking about having Eric in this tub is making me wet and anxious. He was the last man I took a bath with. Crazy right, since it was nearly two decades ago? For years I dated men that cared way more for themselves than they did for me, so taking romantic baths together wasn't really high on their list of priorities. Then I got together with Bill and well, he's got the sex drive of a wet-nap, so baths really aren't an option for us. When Bill wants to fuck - which is almost never - he barely lasts five minutes as it is. I never even dared offer anything that could increase his arousal and decrease his stamina. That shit needed no help sucking royally!

I start the bath, happy to find some complementary bath salts, and strip down naked. While the tub is filling I shave my legs and groom the lady bits in the separate shower. Hey, I'm no hooker and I don't plan on just hopping into bed with him after twenty years – but no fucking way am I going to be unprepared either! I'm sorry, but should anything happen between us there's no way I want him thinking I've got Chewbacca in a headlock down there! Not. Fucking. Attractive! I was a goddess back in the day, even though I was too young and stupid to think so, now after all the bullshit of the last few years I want to look my best.

I sink down into the tub once it's full and turn on the jets. _This is_ _fucking heaven_! I just float and soak for a while, relishing in the joys of being able to take a bath again. I had gotten extremely fat for a long while there; where I once had a body that was to die for, until recently I had the body most would commit suicide if they had.

I started gaining weight in my early thirties with no real explanation. My diet and exercise level hadn't changed, but my weight was ballooning steadily. My doctor's favorite line was eat less; that is until the day I was diagnosed with thyroid disease. What's so shitty about this is that for three years my weight went up and up, until there was literally two of me; I doubled my weight in a few short years. By the time I was diagnosed, the damage was done.

Then came the first surgery on my thyroid to remove the cyst. The doctors' assured me that this would take care of the issues and I'd be good as new again. They fucking lied!

Oh, I felt better for about a year and lost all of about forty pounds; then the bullshit started right back up again with a vengeance.

I put on another forty pounds, on top of the forty I promptly gained back, and began to lose my hair in spots. Not on my legs or pits, of course, but on my fucking head. I don't care how non-vain any bitch claims to be – losing your hair as a chick _fucking blows_!

So after yet another stimulating round of testing they finally decided that the remainder of my thyroid needed to vacate the premises. That's when the real fun began, you see – both for me and my marriage.

Cancer changes everything.

You enter the hospital for a 'routine surgery' to remove the rest of a pretty vital freaking organ, and leave finding out that you've been walking around _dying_ for a while. The only dead things that should be walking around are vampires, and since they aren't real and I'm not one – I wasn't fucking interested in this diagnosis!

Fuck them. Fuck that. Fuck EVERYTHING!

Needless to say, that when they say life is too short – they aren't whistling fucking Dixie here kids! I'm happy to say that I survived, but my marriage didn't. Bill really is a great guy, but he's so fucking boring I want to scratch my own eyes out.

He's twelve years my senior, and while that seemed like a great idea in theory – it fucking sucks in reality. I told myself that I was okay with him in the beginning because I was ready to settle down and he was such a stable and reliable source of love. The truth, in retrospect is that I needed something different in my life when I met him and thought he was the answer to my problems. It took me a long time, and a shitty diagnosis, to realize that he couldn't fix me. That is _my_ job.

I spent a lot of time working out in the months following my treatment, trying to get my body back to some semblance of what it used to be. I also spent a lot of time trying to figure out who I am when I'm not living for someone else. I found over time that very little of whom I am at my core meshed with Bill at all.

We tried very hard for well over a year trying to make things work. We'd been together for so long, it felt criminal to just give up; he still doesn't want to. He promises to sign the papers for divorce when I decide to serve him, but swears in the meantime he'll be waiting for me to "come to my senses and come home." I can't bring myself to tell him yet that I'll never return to him, even though I know in my heart it's true.

I finish up in the tub - now that I'm all pruney - and get ready for bed. I pour a fat glass of wine from one of the loveliest vineyards I've ever seen and settle onto the couch. A little tunage on the iPod and I'm a happy bitch, and far more ready to prepare for what's coming next.

I really am okay with the breakup of my marriage, even though it's not officially over yet, which seems odd to many people. My best friend is perpetually single and thinks I'm a fool for throwing away someone that's willing to stay with me. Maybe in some ways she's right, but I'd rather be alone forever than unhappy with someone else. If you're alone and unhappy there's no room or reason for resentment because you've got no one to blame but yourself. You should never make your happiness in life dependent on another person. But if you're with someone and unhappy then resentment breeds like cancer and takes over the soul of the relationship. It's also not fair to use someone else just so you're not alone; you're just denying yourself and the other person true happiness.

I want to be happy with me. That's what I'm looking for in life now. It's not as selfish as it sounds, it's just that I've finally come to the realization that if I'm not happy with me then no one else can be. _Love yourself first_ and all that. It's sound advice, as it turns out.

So what does Eric have to do with any of this in my life? Well, the funny thing about the possibility of dying young is that it makes you keenly aware of the stuff you don't want to leave earth without saying. Eric was no saint in our relationship back then, but by no means was everything his fault either.

We were kids. Kids that were far too young to be so serious about anything, let alone spending the rest of our lives together. We were also kids who each had our own family issues which played heavily into our lives. His mother suffered horribly from mental illness and I was getting the shit kicked out of me daily.

Weren't we a fucking pair?

I was incapable of seeing it at the time, but I really was a fairly shitty person back then. I had so little control of my own home life that I was determined to control any other aspect – and that included Eric. I wouldn't let him do anything that didn't involve me for fear of god only knows what. Maybe I was afraid I'd miss something, maybe it was worrying that he'd realize he'd have more fun without me. Who knows, but all I know is I was _awful_ to him. When it was good between us, there was nothing better –ever. But when it was bad, it was beyond fucking awful.

He'd lie to me so that he could have fun with his friends. Then there were the drugs, and the lying that surrounded them. He was never a cheat – at least not that I've ever heard – but as bad as I was to him, I wouldn't have blamed him if he had been.

Plus when his mom finally went completely carrot-top, ending up in the psych ward for a while, I was too concerned about me to worry about him. We'd tried to work through things, but in the end it was all just too much. We were supposed to get married in September of 1992 on our four year anniversary, but it wasn't meant to be. I broke it off, telling him we were too young and I was tired of being lied to. I also told him that he wasn't good enough for me and I didn't want our kids ending up as crazy as his mother.

Yeah, I was a fucking bitch. There's no denying it, and if I could I'd kick my own ass for ever saying that to someone, let alone someone I love so much.

It was after I started dating Alcide that I think he'd finally reached his limit. I was only with Alc for two months before accepting his marriage proposal. Admittedly, it was a pretty shitty thing to do after telling Eric we were too young.

I never married Alc and by the time we'd run our course as a couple two short years later, Eric was long gone. I always figured I'd see him again. I mean, his best friends are all still here, but it never happened.

So, I began my search about six months after I was diagnosed. Two short years later, I've lost the weight and feel wonderful about myself for the first time in what seems like forever - maybe for the very first time ever.

I'm not some silly bitch thinking that Eric and I are just going to rush into each other's arms after all this time and ride off into the sunset for our happily ever after. That's not what I'm looking to get out of this. I just don't want to live the rest of my life and never apologize for the hurt I caused that man.

Yes, we were both kids. Yes, we were too young. Yes, it wouldn't have worked for many reasons. But there was no denying the love we had for one another. It wasn't some puppy love bullshit like everyone called it. I haven't felt that strongly for someone since him.

After my second glass of wine I figure it's probably time for bed, it's a big day tomorrow after all. I climb into bed and go to turn off my iPod when one of 'our' songs comes on. Tesla sang some goodies during our day, but my favorite of theirs by far is "The Way It Is." There's a line in it that Eric sang to me during one of our breakups. The power of those words hits me every time I hear them.

_Even though we could never seem to work things out I still love you just the same, I miss your smile and that sparkle in your eyes. You're so beautiful, never change!  
><em> 

How ironic, that this is on here tonight. I've got like a gabillion songs on this friggin thing and haven't heard this one in many months. Maybe it's fate?

Whatever it is, or whatever it will be is okay with me. I'd love to be friends with Eric even if nothing romantic ever comes of this. Even if friendship is out of the question, at least I'll know that I made peace with our past.

For the first time in my life, I'm truly happy with who _I_ am. My life isn't about pleasing anyone else anymore. Whatever happens tomorrow with Eric is simply what is meant to be. It is what it is, whatever way it is.

I turn off my iPod and get comfortable. As I drift off to sleep I'm certain that tomorrow is the beginning of the rest of my life.

Whatever happens, it's all good from here.

"The Way It Is" By Tesla

Doesn't matter who gets the best of who, or who can hurt who the most, no  
>It never was meant for it to be that way, never should be that way at all<p>

The way it is, that's the way that it goes, happenin' day after day, yes  
>That's the way it is, that's the way that it goes<br>Workin' in the strangest ways

Even though we could never seem to work things out  
>I still love you just the same, I do<br>I miss your smile and that sparkle in your eyes  
>You're so beautiful, never change!<p>

What it is, and what it was, what shall be shall be, yeah  
>Sometimes it happens in the strangest ways<br>Sometimes it's hard to believe (do you believe?)  
>Do you believe, can you believe?<p>

The way it is, that's the way that it goes  
>Workin' in the, workin' in the strangest ways<p>

Now it really don't matter who, who gets the best of who  
>It never did and it never will, no<br>It never was meant for it to be that way, why must it be that way at all?

The way it is, that's the way that it goes, happenin' day after day, yeah yeah  
>That's the way it is, that's the way that it goes<br>Workin' in the, workin' in the strangest ways  
>That's the way it is, that's the way it is<br>That's the way it is, that's the way it goes, yeah

Yeah, that's the way it is, that's the way it goes  
>That's the way it is, that's the way it goes<br>I see it happen day after day, yeah, yeah  
>Now I'm workin' in the strangest ways<br>Yeah yeah yeah yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Can you believe, do you believe? Do you believe, can you believe?  
>That's the way it is, that's the way it is, yeah yeah yeah<br>That's the way it is, that's the way it goes, yes it do

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_**Hopefully you all will understand a bit more of where our girl is coming from here. Maybe she should've left well enough alone and tried to just make her marriage work, but then again – maybe this will end up being the beginning of true happiness for them both. Maybe not. **_

_**Guess you'll have to stick around and see. Eric's up next – thanks for reading! Much love to you all!**_


	3. Without You

_**First off, let me take a minute to thank everyone who's added me or my story to their alerts or favorite lists – you guys make my freaking day! Second, thanks for everyone giving this a chance – I know it's not a normal ES story, but hope you'll love it just the same!**_

_**Oh, and I promise to get back to Between the Sheets and Revelry – but this little is a muse whore and won't let me go just yet…**_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being allstar betas! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlene Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

I'm fucking my wife and it's taking every ounce of my self control not to call her Sookie. I quite literally have to bite my tongue, my cheek, her shoulder – anything I can – in order to keep from ending my marriage tonight. She would not see the fucking humor in it happening _again_, and I'm damn near positive she'd never let me leave the house again.

Oh yeah, it happened before. See, I got shitfaced drunk one night when Sam and Tommy came to visit a ways back. We sat around all night, listening to the music of our youth and relieving the 'old days' – well, the old days were filled with Sook. So naturally, even though her name wasn't said often – seeing as Felicia has no sense of humor about that particular subject – I thought of her enough that by the time I climbed into bed with my wife, I was in full on fantasy mode.

Some advice? Never, _ever_, say _I love you_ to your wife but call her by your ex's name.

Somehow, women just can't find the funny in that…

It took her nearly two weeks to speak to me for anything other than a necessity, and close to four months before things were somewhat normal again. Not that I blame her for being pissed at me; I'd fucking shit if she called me some other dude's name.

So, needless to say I'm ready to bite my fucking tongue off right now. I'm so ashamed to admit it, but I don't even see Felicia's face right now. I'm fucking her for all I'm worth –it's the best sex we've had in years, and it's all because my mind is _fucking flooded_ with images of my Sweetcheeks. Her lips, her smile, _those tits_, her tiny hands wrapped around my cock; my mind races through all the ways we made love.

I'm so fucking close to losing my mind right now, I'm honestly afraid I'm going to break the skin on her shoulder; I know I'm going to end up leaving a hickey. Felicia's making all sorts of noises as I pound into her – more than she's made in years. The sounds are irritating and make me want to muzzle her. I know that probably sounds awful, but really – how many times do you want to hear someone squeak like a mouse while you're fucking the shit outta them? There's nothing sexy or even romantic about the noises she's making; it's like someone's stomping on a dog's chew toy.

FUCK, I miss sex with Sookie! Even when she used to scream her brains out, the sounds were sexy. The noises my wife makes cause my dick to deflate – the noises Sook made when we were together made me lose control. As much as I want to live in this fantasy forever, I simply can't stand her fucking noises anymore. If I can't fuck my wife in any position except missionary, then I certainly don't want to have to hear her bleat like a dying cat while I'm stuck in this position.

I quickly conjure up my best fantasy of my girl. She's down on her knees before me licking my rock hard cock from base to tip, pausing to suckle the head as she caresses my balls. After a few agonizing moments, she finally takes me into her mouth, deep throating me on the first pass. My eyes roll back in real life as I feel the tightening within my abdomen – I won't last much longer, thinking of my angel swallowing my cock whole. Sookie is staring into my eyes as she devours me whole, playing with her perfect cunt as she drives me closer to release. Just as I'm right on edge in my fantasy, I flip her over and grab her hips – slamming into her fully in one hard thrust. I can feel my balls start to tighten and as the white lights start to flash behind my eyes, my fantasy Sookie looks over her shoulder at me and tells me "I love you, baby, always."

I fucking lose it, coming harder than I have in years. I go deaf and blind as I seize through my climax. _Fuck_, I haven't come this hard since the night I called my wife Sookie. I'm still twitching as I pull out of Felicia, kissing her on the forehead.

"Eric, that was incredible," she sighs.

Yes, it was. Incredibly wrong. Incredibly fake. Incredibly fucking heartbreaking!

"It was lovely, dear." I don't know what else to say.

She gets up to clean herself up as I settle into my side of the bed. I set my alarm for bright and early; there's so much to do tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Holy. Fucking. Shit.

I'm going to see my Sweetcheeks…tomorrow.

My wife comes back from the bathroom and snuggles in behind me. I always loved holding Sookie - not that we ever really got to sleep that way often since we were just kids, but I really don't care for cuddle time with anyone else – not even my wife. I try to ignore the feeling of sheer terror in my stomach as she rubs against my back and asks if we can consider another child.

_Fuck no we can't!_

When I ask her why she would even think that, she tells me that if sex is going to be like this, then maybe we're going to be okay enough for another baby. I remind her that she's had her tubes tied and that another child would not be good for her health after what she went though with the boys. The emergency c-section she had to have left the very real possibility that any further children could end her life or that of the baby's.

Felicia spends the next half hour trying to convince me that another child is just what our marriage needs. I've tried to be gentle; I've tried to be diplomatic and not say "FUCK NO" at the top of my lungs. Another baby is not fucking happening with her.

"Fifi, look…I don't want to fight and I don't want to hurt you. But I do NOT under any circumstances want another baby at this point in my life. I'm done having babies." I hope she takes me seriously because I'm not kidding. I make a mental note to wear condoms from now on – I don't trust she won't try to trap me.

She harrumphs, and flops onto her other side – far away from me. I'm actually quite okay with this. I tell her that I'm going to head into the city tomorrow for supplies for the bar and a meeting with a few potential clients; that way she won't get nervous if I'm gone for a while tomorrow. She barely acknowledges me as she shuts off her bedside lamp.

I just lie here for a while, staring at nothing, running through the possibilities of tomorrow. I've got butterflies the size of small aircraft buzzing in my gut; I can't remember the last time I was this nervous. It seems to take forever, but I finally drift off to sleep. My dreams are filled with the sights, sounds and tastes of my little bottle of sunshine. _Holy fucking hell_, I've missed her so fucking much. I've never told anyone how much I miss her, not even my best friends. I could never fool my subconscious though – my dreams often have her in a leading roll. Most often she takes the place of my wife; tonight is no different as I picture Sookie's rounded belly as she carries my child.

ooOOOOoo

When my alarm goes off in the morning, I'm floored by the song playing. It's an oldie by the Crüe, "Without You." Fuck. Me. I used to listen to this song _endlessly_ when I first moved out here. I'd play that tape, over and over, crying in my apartment alone. Girlie? Yeah, I know, but I was fucking broken when I left her.

I lie here listening to the words wondering if this is an omen for today – it has to be, right? I haven't heard this song in fucking years, it's gotta mean something. My eyes prick, but I don't let the tears start, as I hear my favorite lines: _"You're the reason the sun shines down and the nights, they don't grow cold. Only you that I'll hold when I'm young, only you…as we grow old."_

That was always how I thought of me and Sookie - together, forever. She _was_ my youth, and I never dreamed back then that she wouldn't be my future. I held her so tightly when we were young, and to this day – she's the one I wish I could hold until I'm old. I take just another minute to reminisce on what _was_, before getting up and finding out what _is_.

My life is going to change today – I can feel it in my bones. Now, I'm not thinking that suddenly Sookie and I are going to fall into each other's arms and the last twenty years will just disappear - I'm smarter than that. What I mean is that my life has been stagnant for a while now; I've just been existing in it.

I don't want to _exist_, I want to _live_. I love my sons, more than I've ever loved anything – even Sookie. I love owning my bar, and the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes with it. The problem is those are the only two things I love about my life. Unfortunately, they are not the two most compatible things on earth as having children and working horribly late nights isn't always easy. I'll never abandon my children – but goddamn it – I want to live for me too.

I hop out of bed and get in the shower cleaning myself quickly, but thoroughly, and rouse the boys. Once I'm sure they're getting ready and not just climbing back into bed, I go downstairs and get breakfast going. French toast, bacon, and eggs – plus juice for all and coffee for the adults. I enjoy making breakfast for my boys. I don't enjoy that Felicia is supposed to be the 'homemaker' and yet won't make breakfast for her family…but that's an old argument and one I'm not in the mood to revisit it this morning.

Breakfast is served and devoured by all and now it's time to get the boys to school. After a reminder to Felicia that she _has_ to pick up the boys today and a quick kiss to the cheek, we're off. So help me god, if she forgets them again – I'll skin her alive.

The boys comment on how much happier I seem this morning and ask "what's the deal, pops" in unison. That twin thing is fucking creepy sometimes, just so you know – cool, yet strangely creepy.

While my boys are quite smart for ten year olds, it breaks my heart to find out they notice how unhappy I am in my life. Children shouldn't have to know things like this, especially not this young. "Well boys, I'm just having a great start to the day." Hey, my kids do not need to know that my fantasy girl and love of my life called last night so I got laid semi-proper for the first time in fucking ages.

"I'll bet he got some from mom," Liam announces with certainty.

"Are you kidding me right now? Where would you even hear something like that?" I'm wondering what TV show I'm going to have to block, or friends I'll have to ban, as I wait for his answer.

I'm doing my best not to bust up laughing when Alex announces, "well, it's either that – or someone was killing a cat last night. I mean, did you hear that shit?" _Oh holy fuck_. Welcome to my world – it sucks being an adult here as it's not okay to laugh at inappropriate, yet uproariously funny shit!

I cough to stifle the laugh as I reprimand my two wingnuts. "Okay, enough you two. First of all," I put on my 'dad' voice, "we do not talk about this kind of stuff at your age. Second, we don't swear." I pause to give them the stink eye in the rearview. "And where are you guys hearing such things lately?"

They roll their eyes, in unison again, and say "Duh, Dad, everywhere!" Like I'm the stupidest father on earth.

_Bet if I lock them in their rooms for the next decade they won't hear this shit anymore…_

We arrive at school and I give them hell for their language and conversational content again before letting them out of the SUV. After I'm sure they're out of sight, I burst out laughing at the shit that came out of my sons' mouths. I'm cackling like a lunatic as I head out towards the highway. I stop to fill up before hitting Hwy 50 and send Sook a text letter her know I'm in route.

In less than an hour I'll be seeing _my_ Sookie again. My heart starts to race at the prospect, and leaps into triple time when she texts back to tell me her room number and that she's "bouncing in place with excitement."

She better not do that shit when I get there! I'm really glad she's excited that she's going to see me and all, but just the thought of her glorious tits bouncing like that has my dick snapping to attention. If I actually have to see that, I'm in serious danger of breaking my vows.

What the fuck have I gotten myself into here?

"Without You" by Mötley Crüe

Without You, There's No Change  
>My Nights And Days Are Grey<br>If I Reached Out And Touched The Rain  
>It Just Wouldn't Feel The Same<p>

Without You, I'd Be Lost  
>I'd Slip Down From The Top<br>I'd Slide Down So Low  
>Girl You'd Never, Never Know...<p>

Without You, Without You  
>A Sailor Lost At Sea<br>Without You, Woman  
>The World Comes Down On Me<p>

Without You In My Life  
>I'd Slowly Wilt And Die<br>But With You By My Side  
>You're The Reason I'm Alive<br>But With You In My Life  
>You're The Reason I'm Alive<br>But Without You, Without You...

Without You, My Hope Is Small  
>Let Me Be Me All Along<br>You Let The Fires Rage Inside  
>Knowing Someday I'd Grow Strong<p>

Without You, Without You  
>A Sailor Lost At Sea<br>Without You, Woman  
>The World Comes Down On Me<p>

Without You In My Life  
>I'd Slowly Wilt And Die<br>But With You By My Side  
>You're The Reason I'm Alive<br>But With You In My Life  
>You're The Reason I'm Alive<br>But Without You, Without You...

I Could Face A Mountain  
>But I Could Never Climb Alone<br>I Could Start Another Day  
>But How Many, Just don't Know<br>You're The Reason The Sun Shines Down  
>And The Nights, They Don't Grow Cold<br>Only You That I'll Hold When I'm Young  
>Only You...As We Grow Old<p>

Without You In My Life  
>I'd Slowly Wilt And Die<br>But With You By My Side  
>You're The Reason I'm Alive<br>But With You In My Life  
>You're The Reason I'm Alive<br>But Without You, Without You..

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_**Well, their big meeting is coming up next, but I thought it was important to get into Eric's head for a little bit and see how things went with his poodle – I mean wife, lol. Fifi – kills me…**_

_**Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_


	4. Love Bites

_**I'm going to admit that I'm finding it harder and harder to respond to all of the reviews – so if I don't respond PLEASE know that your reviews are the highlights of my days and I love each and every one of them! Also, thanks for the additions to your lists – it warms my heart!**_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being allstar betas! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

My mind is reeling as I drive; I can't believe I'm really going to do this! Seeing her is both terrifying and exhilarating all at once. If I'm being honest with myself then I have to admit that I wouldn't be seeing her today if my marriage was happier. Oh, I'd let her speak her peace, but I'd do it over the phone – but let's just say that marriage for me is not all of what I thought it'd be.

I still have no intention of cheating on my wife; I just can't imagine being that kind of asshole, no matter how unhappy I am. So why am I meeting the _one that got away_ in her hotel room, you ask? There's no simple answer for that one. I've ached to see Sookie again since the day I moved. I've wondered how she is and what her life is like now. I've mostly wondered if she ever thinks of me. So why am I going…because I need to know the answers to these questions – now. Fate seems to think this is a good idea, since the opportunity fell in my lap and I'm not wasting it for anything.

I pull up to the hotel and my stomach feels like it's gonna pop out of my mouth the second I open it. This place is gorgeous; the architecture is amazing as are the color schemes in the main lobby. I'm transfixed by the beauty of it as I wait for the elevator to arrive. The door opens and a very distinguished older gentleman asks me "going up?" _Holy shit_, I thought that only happened in movies. I step inside and inform him I'm headed to one of the single suites on the sixth floor as the doors close.

I'm fidgeting something awful, which is totally unmanly by the way, as the elevator creeps up to Sookie's floor.

"Meeting someone important, sir?" the gentleman asks.

I briefly explain that I'm meeting an old friend who I've not seen in many years; he comments on how exciting this must be for me. I can only hum my response, as we've just passed the fifth floor and I'm in serious danger of throwing up.

The elevator dings as we reach the sixth floor and for a moment I wonder if I've glued my feet to the floor somehow – I can't seem to move. I stand there frozen momentarily and it's the sweet old man that breaks the spell holding me back.

"Hope you find everything you're looking for, sir."

Everything I'm looking for, huh? I turn and smile at him, offering my hand to shake.

"Thanks sir, I certainly hope I do too." Sookie's certainly everything I've missed all this time – maybe she _is_ what I'm looking for. The only way I'm going to find this out is if I get off this damn elevator and knock on her door. So without another thought, I exit the doors and walk as fast as my legs will carry me to her door; before I can talk myself out of it, I knock firmly.

Standing there for the thirty seconds waiting for her to answer the door not only feels like an eternity, it makes me want to crawl up my own ass and hide. _What the fuck is wrong with me?_

The door opens and I swear to Christ, my heart stops. Every ounce of strength I've ever possessed goes into not jumping her _right here, right now._ She's heavier than she was the last time I saw her, but it really works for her. She's fat by California standards – but shit, anything more than a walking skeleton is. She's got the perfect amount of curves, and her breasts are bigger than they were before – and that's saying something. Her hair is still the color of wheat in the sunlight though it's shorter than last time I saw her.

She's fucking gorgeous – she was stunning before now she's simply edible. _I'm so fucking screwed_!

She's checking me out as thoroughly as I am her and it appears she likes what she sees. Her eyes are wide and she doesn't seem to be breathing – I know the feeling.

"Hi Sook," I say quietly to break the tension.

Her eyes finally meet mine and the strangest feeling of peace washes over me. Just as she's breathing out her quiet "hello", I grab her by the hips and pull her into a tight hug. My brain seems to have disconnected from my body, and she squeaks in surprise at my attack. Once her shock wears off, she wraps her arms around my waist and buries her head in my chest. We just stand there in the doorway of her hotel suite for a few minutes like idiots, holding onto one another for dear life. Finally she clears her throat and pats my back, signaling that she wants to end the embrace. I don't know if I want to laugh or cry, but I release her regardless.

"Come in, Eric." She steps aside to let me into the room and tells me how glad she is that I'm here. I assure her the feeling is mutual and smile at her tentatively. She waves her hand, signaling that I should have a seat on the sofa telling me to make myself comfortable.

The suite is as stunning as the rest of the hotel so far; the furniture is of the highest quality as are the rugs and curtains. The sitting area is huge; there's a standard size couch, a loveseat and a wingback chair. There's also a kitchenette complete with a Keurig machine and complimentary KCups. I'm assuming the double doors behind me lead to her bedroom, but I'm doing my best not to focus on that – my dick's having a hard enough time staying only semi-erect, too much thought about her bedroom and I'm fucked for sure.

She comes around the other side of the couch and sits down on the far end – apparently she's a bit nervous to be near me too. I turn my body towards her, bending one knee up and onto the cushion fully; she mirrors my position and offers me a shy smile. We sit there just staring at each other for a minute, neither one seeming to know what to say.

"So…" we both start at once and burst out laughing. We go through the whole, "you first, no you first" thing a few times causing another round of giggles.

I'm floored momentarily by the music in the background, it's like a hairband party on her IPod – and I freaking love it! I just can't stand this silence anymore. "Okay, Sook, I know it's been a while – but I don't think it has to be this awkward, do you?" I ask as I gently reach for her hands.

My skin is tingling wherever it's touching hers – I'd forgotten how that used to happen. So, so very fucked am I!

"No, Eric," she breathes. "It doesn't have to be this awkward. I'm sorry." She smiles sadly at me. I assure her there's nothing to be sorry for, it's just a weird situation. "Are you sorry I called you then?"

I can't for the life of me imagine how she could think this. "Honey, if I was sorry you called I wouldn't have come. I'm glad you called. Confused…but glad."

"I'm sorry to confuse you, there's just so much I want to say to you." She trails off, seemingly lost for what to say next.

"Well, I'm here now, Sweetcheeks." I squeeze her hands gently, "Tell me why you called after all this time."

She takes a deep breath and launches right into it. I'm shocked at all the things coming from her mouth. It turns out she was only with the asstard for a couple years, and then she was single for quite a while. It seems she couldn't find anyone that held her interest for more than a minute. I'd like to think it's because none of them were me, but that's probably just wishful thinking. Anyway, she tells me that she lived with a man that hit her for a while and I swear to you if I ever find this motherfucker, I'll kill him myself. Finally we get to her marriage and her illness. I'd heard she'd gotten fat, like really fat, but I never knew about the cancer. I tell her she couldn't have looked that bad, and she assures me that she looked like a manatee on land for a while and I couldn't help but burst out laughing.

"But you're okay now, right, Sook?" I can't stand the thought that she might be dying right now. Just the thought of it has my eyes tearing up, and I _never_ fucking cry.

She assures me that she's okay as far as anyone knows. When I ask her what the hell that means, she tells me that all the tests say she's alright, but that she'll need to be tested annually for the next few years. She must be able to see the panic I feel reflected in my eyes, because she leans over and puts one of her tiny hands on my face and quietly says "I'm okay, baby, don't worry." I lean into her hand and purr like a fucking cat.

_Jesus Christ, I've missed her._

I nod slightly and ask her to please continue. Unfortunately, she releases my face and leans back against the arm of the couch again when she does. She tells me of her marriage to Bill and how when she met him she was just happy to have someone that was nice to her and that seemed interested in the same kind of life together. Years went by however, before she finally realized that he never wanted kids and now she's dangerously close to being too old to have them safely. My heart breaks for her hearing this because I can remember clearly how much she wanted to be a mom. We lost a baby when she was sixteen; we didn't even know she was pregnant until she was losing our child. To say that we were both a fucking mess over it is a gross understatement, but we got through it.

"So what made you two split up, honey? He didn't hit you too, did he?" I fairly certain if she says yes, I'm going to go to jail for murder. Now whether I'll kill him for hitting her or her for letting two guys do that after the shit her bastard grandfather did to her, remains to be seen. Either way, if her husband hit her – someone's gonna die.

She assures me that he never laid a hand on her, and then she laughs saying that's part of the problem. I'm confused and it must show on my face, because she giggles and admits that not only is he rotten in the sack, but he never wants to fuck. The guy is a _fucking moron_! I'm here to tell you, if she was mine – I'd have a hard time ever getting out of bed or at least getting my dick out of her! What. The. Fuck?

I don't tell her what I'd like to do to her, or what I'd be doing if she was mine – obviously – but I do tell her what a fucking fool her husband is. She smiles and says thanks quietly before continuing with why she called me. It turns out that she wants to apologize for all the shit we went through before.

I'm fucking floored. I mean, she was a royal bitch sometimes, but shit – I was no saint either. "Sook, we were two stupid fucking kids. Neither one of us did right by the other most of the time. If I could go back and kick my own ass, I would you know." I really would. I'd do things so differently today.

"Eric, I need you to know that I didn't call you to cause you any trouble. I don't want to ruin your marriage, and I'm not trying to get you back," she pauses and I have to admit that hearing she doesn't want me back breaks my heart a little.

Maybe it shows on my face because suddenly she's back pedaling, "I mean, if we were both single…but we're not. So…" She's really fucking cute when she's nervous.

She takes a deep breath and finishes her thought and seems to collect herself before continuing. "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I was for how controlling I was back then, Eric. I know it doesn't change anything now, but it's something I've wanted to say for years. It really did take a long time for me to figure out why I treated you the way I did." She takes a deep breath, "See, what I finally figured out is that none of it was really that big a deal. I mean, yes – you shouldn't have been doing drugs, but it's not like you were shooting up. A little pot never killed anyone, right? So I shouldn't have been such a crazy bitch about it."

I hold my hand up to interrupt her, finally realizing that she's still holding my other hand. I can't believe I didn't notice that before now. "I need to set the record straight on something, Sook. I never did acid again after that night, and I certainly never did anything harder after either." I have to pause in order to take a deep, calming breath for what I need to say next. "Sookie, honey, I can't fucking believe I ever hit you. I still have nightmares about that night. I've never hit a woman besides that one time with you, and I can't ever tell you how sorry I am." My eyes are tearing again, and I can't believe I'm such a fucking basket case today.

She scrambles over to me, practically landing in my lap; she puts her hands on either side of my face, forcing me to look her in the eyes. "Eric, you listen to me. I forgave you a long time ago for that. Should you have hit me? No, but I shouldn't have hit you either." She leans in and kisses my forehead quickly, but gently, before continuing. "Eric, you would never have done that if it wasn't for the drugs. I know it, you know it. Please, don't beat yourself up over it."

We sit there for a minute, way too close for comfort and yet not nearly close enough. Kismet seems to strike when one of 'our' old songs begins to play. "Holy shit, Sook. You really have this on your iPod?" I can't help but laugh. I haven't heard "Love Bites" in fucking ages.

"Of course I do, silly. Not only is it a kick ass song, it's one of our songs. How could I not?"

I stand up suddenly and reach out a hand to her. "Dance with me, honey." She allows me to pull her up, but stands planted in place when I try to bring her around the coffee table so we can dance. "Sook, please dance with me. We only got to do it twice back then, and both times ended in shitty fights. Can't we try this once more?" I mean the dancing, but recognize instantly that my words can have a whole other meaning.

She gives me a tiny smile and allows me to lead her out into the center of the room. I continue holding her right hand in mine as I bring it up and cradle it against my chest. I slide my other arm around her back, placing my palm against the curve of her hips right above her ass. Sookie brings her free hand up and is holding onto my shirt for dear life as she rests her head against my chest in between her two hands.

I haven't felt anything this right in as long as I can remember. Holding her like this dancing to a song that we made love to so many times, I want nothing more than the ability to turn back time and do relive every minute of my life with her and since her over again. I'm lost in the feeling of this moment, trying my damndest not to let my hardening cock poke her and ruin it.

"You've gotten better at this, my Eric," she says quietly as we sway.

I can't help but chuckle. "Yeah, it's amazing how much more fun dancing is when you're not an insecure kid. You get better at a lot of things."

It's not until she looks up at me with a shocked look on her face that I realize what I've said. I throw my head back and let out a loud laugh and assure her I wasn't trying to be a pig and she laughs right along with me.

When the laughter subsides we lock eyes and I realize just how fucked I really am at this moment. Def Leppard's singing away as I'm lost in my former lover's eyes.

"_I don't wanna touch you too much baby, cuz making love to you might drive me crazy…"_

Truer words were never spoken, but it doesn't seem to stop us from being caught in some kind of gravitational pull towards one another. The small part of my brain that's telling me it's not okay to kiss this woman is quickly silenced the moment our lips touch.

While I've always enjoyed kissing, there's really nothing on earth like kissing Sookie. Our lips meet so gently at first and hers are as soft and full as I remember. It's barely more than a long peck kiss at first, both of us so unsure about what we're doing. We're still moving with the music as the kiss begins to deepen; our lips move slowly and very, very gently, relearning each other.

When she brings a hand up to hold the back of my neck as she moans into my mouth, I can't hold back anymore. I stop swaying to the music and pull her tightly against me; I know she feels my erection when she gasps and grinds against me. My tongue traces her bottom lip requesting entrance into her sweet, sweet mouth and I'm beyond thrilled when she grants it. There's no battle for dominance, just passionate explorations of one another. I'd forgotten how wonderful she tastes, and it's even more exquisite now that neither of us are smokers; turns out we both quit about ten years back.

My dick's so hard I want to cry and the kissing is only making it worse, but I can't seem to stop. I know I can't let it go farther than this, and this shouldn't even be happening as it is, but I can't seem to stop either. The kiss is still gentle, but passionate, as we moan often into one another's mouths. It's taking every bit of control I've ever had not to strip her down and make love to her right here, but I know I can't. She grinds against my aching cock again, and I'm in serious danger of either giving in or coming in my pants, so I have to break the kiss.

"Sookie, my love," I pant, "I can't do this. _God_ _I want to_ – but I'm married." I pull her tighter against me, unwilling to let her go just yet.

"Jesus, Eric. I'm so sorry," she says as she goes to pull away.

"No, stay." I refuse to let go of her. "I'll be okay, just let me hold you, honey. I don't want to let you go just yet." I swear - I'd hold her like this forever if I could.

I hold her for a few more minutes, trying to will away my hard on. I finally pull back a little bit and gently grab her face by the chin. I lower my mouth to hers and kiss her briefly with no tongue. The kiss is perfect and heartbreaking all at once.

"Honey, we need to leave this room or I'm in serious danger of breaking my vows today," I smile at her. "I might not be happy in my marriage, but I'm not a cheat."

She agrees and after another kiss we head out to the elevators. We get down to the lobby and are heading out to my SUV when my cell rings. It's the boy's school.

_This can't be fucking good._

"Love Bites" by Def Leppard

If you've got love in your sights  
>Watch out, love bites<p>

When you make love, do you look in the mirror?  
>Who do you think of, does he look like me?<br>Do you tell lies and say that it's forever?  
>Do you think twice, or just touch 'n' see?<br>Ooh babe ooh yeah

When you're alone, do you let go?  
>Are you wild 'n' willin' or is it just for show?<br>Ooh c'mon

I don't wanna touch you too much baby  
>'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy<br>I know you think that love is the way you make it  
>So I don't wanna be there when you decide to break it<br>No!

Love bites, love bleeds  
>It's bringin' me to my knees<br>Love lives, love dies  
>It's no surprise<br>Love begs, love pleads  
>It's what I need<p>

When I'm with you are you somewhere else?  
>Am I gettin' thru or do you please yourself?<br>When you wake up will you walk out?  
>It can't be love if you throw it about<br>Ooh babe

I don't wanna touch you too much baby  
>'Cos making love to you might drive me crazy<p>

_[Repeat Chorus]_

_[guitar solo]_

Ooh yeah

_[Repeat Bridge]_

Love bites, love bleeds  
>It's bringin' me to my knees<br>Love lives, love dies

_[Repeat Chorus]_

If you've got love in your sights  
>Watch out, love bites<br>Yes it does  
>It will be hell<p>

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_**Let me say that I know that **__**technically**__** kissing someone else while married **__**is**__** cheating… but let's face it – they both want more and I have to give it to my man for stopping things where he did. Was it right to kiss her, probably not – does shit like this happen in real life – hell yes. Good on him for not taking it too far. **_

_**Hope you'll all stick with me to see what happens next. I can tell you that this is likely as far as the cheating will get in this story – however I can also tell you that there is SO much more going on in this story. I hope you'll continue the journey with me!**_

_**Love and hugs to all!**_


	5. Suspicious

_**This will be the first chapter without a song attached, and you'll understand why as the chappy progresses…**_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being allstar betas! **_

_**Also, thanks to MissCathyWilson she recently filled out a Beta profile and asked to preread this for me – if y'all are shopping for betas, I've got 3 of the best! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

"Sookie, honey, I've got to take this," I apologize as we get in the SUV. I say hello and am quickly greeted by the school nurse, it turns out both of my boys are sick and she can't get a hold of my wife.

Fuck. Fuck. _Fuck_! My wife is so fucking unreliable I could just choke the shit out of her sometimes!

I tell the nurse I'll be there as soon as I can as I'm about an hour away getting supplies for my bar. I quickly call my mother and ask if she can take the boys once I pick them up. I just fucking know something screwy is going on with Felicia and don't want the boys around when I go investigate.

"Sookie, I'm so sorry, but my boys are sick and my _wonderful_ wife is nowhere to be found… again. I've got to go." I could kill Felicia for ruining this day for me, on top of not being there for our kids. "I just know she's doing something she shouldn't be, this isn't the first time no one's been able to find her."

Sookie offers to come with me and I don't even hesitate, I pull away from the curb before she's even buckled in. "As patient as ever, I see, my dear man," she giggles at me as she buckles in.

I apologize and she assures me she understands. I'm fucking fuming right now, and hope she won't take my mood personally. She reaches over and puts her hand on my thigh, patting it gently, before offering to listen if I need to talk about it.

I sigh deeply and look over at her briefly to smile at her and thank her for her kindness, and for her understanding of this ruining our day. "Eric, I won't say it again, so you listen up. They're your children - I'd kick your ass and go get them my damn self if you didn't drop everything to go help them. I understand and it's no big deal, okay? I just want your boys to be okay, and I hope nothing has happened to your wife."

I can't say the same right now. I know that might make me seem like a giant dick, but this is nowhere near the first time Felicia has vanished during the school day. So if nothing's happened to her, then where in the fuck is she? And why can no one seem to find her? I say as much to Sook, and she agrees that it's not only very strange, but quite suspicious.

"So, in hopes of distracting you, _please_ tell me why you call your wife _Fifi_!" The look on her face when she says 'Fifi' is fucking classic and makes me laugh out loud.

"Okay, first – thanks for making me laugh, Sook. You always did know how to cheer me up." I pause for a second, and can't resist the urge to give her a little shit. "That is when _you_ weren't the one pissing me off," I say with a sly smile.

"Can it, Northman, your hotness will only get you so far with me," she says as she playfully smacks my arm. This is what I miss about Sookie and me – actually knowing one another this well. No one else could have broken my tension with this shit with Felicia happening. "Now finish telling me about your precious poodle, before I lose interest."

I laugh out loud again and reach for her hand, linking our fingers and placing our interlocked hands on my thigh. "I can't even ask you to promise not to laugh, because I know you're gonna fucking die laughing. All I ask is that you _try_ to understand that I did not _ask_ to call her that!"

She gives me the whole scout's honor sign and then locks her lips and throws the key over her shoulder. Picture of modern maturity she's not – but she's still the fucking coolest!

I shake my head at her and makes sure she sees me rolling my eyes before I continue. "So it's like this…Felicia is a bit insecure, you see. Not that she should be, she really is a beautiful woman, at least physically." Maybe it's shitty of me to imply that my wife's an asshole but she is so there's really no point in beating around the bush about it. "Well, anyway I'd never called her by anything other than Felicia or babe. And even babe isn't something I would've chosen, but I refused to call her baby like she wanted." I know I don't have to explain to Sookie why. I called Sookie three things most often in our relationship – honey, baby, and Sweetcheeks. I fucking refuse to call anyone else any of those names, ever.

Sook squeezes my hand and I can see her smiling broadly out of the corner of my eye. I can't bring myself to look at her right now; I know I'll fucking lose it if I do. "Babe seemed to be fine with her for a while, that is until we went home for the wedding. Then all hell broke loose. Tommy kept calling me Sweetcheeks, thinking he was a riot until Sam was drunk enough to tell Felicia where it came from." Sookie's loud snort breaks my concentration, and I have to laugh.

"I can't fucking believe you still snort!" It's the cutest fucking thing EVER! I always loved it when she did that, and as it turns out - I still do.

"I said can it, Northman! Don't make me kick your ass!" she says while _snorting_ again! "I bet she shit a Twinkie over that one!"

"Oh good gravy, you have no idea! For months she kept trying out new names. Pookie, Twinkie, Cupcake, Doodlebug, Moopsie…it was fucking _awful_! So, being the smartass I am, I suggested Fifi – and before I could tell her I'd rather call her a dog's name than Moopsie – she said she loved it." I burst out laughing all over again. I've got tears running down my face as I try to force the rest of this out, "I figure if she's okay being called a fluffy, pink, poodle's name – who the fuck am I to stop her?"

Sookie's shaking, she's laughing so hard. "Oh god, that's fucking awful, and yet way too funny!" she says between snorts. "How can she not realize that's not a cool fucking name?"

"I've got no idea! Who the fuck would want to be called Fifi?" It just escapes me. "I'm awful, I know I shouldn't be picking on my wife but _Jesus,_ it's good to laugh with someone that gets me!"

The truth of my last statement hits me like a cartoon piano to the head. "I've fucking missed you, baby. I've missed you so, so much."

She squeezes my hand again and tells me how much she's missed me too. We pass the rest of the time trading stories about our lives over the last twenty years. She's thrilled with my success with the bar and is genuinely interested in learning of my sons. Shit, she almost shows more interest in them than their own mother does – one more piece of evidence that they should have been Sookie's.

I'm amazed to know that she finished her Master's in literature and is in the process of working with a publisher for a book she's written. Now, I always knew my girl was smart, but shit this is impressive. "Damn baby, I always knew you had a shitload to say, but a book's pretty awesome – even for you." I couldn't resist teasing her just a little, she's too fucking cute when I annoy the shit outta her.

"I invite you to kindly fuck off, my darling man," she says while pinching my arm lightly.

"Hey, knock that off! You know I hate that crap!" I fucking do too, but suddenly all seems very right in my world – pinching and all.

"I shoulda said man-baby, you big whine ass!"

"Stifle it, Edith!" Now, this I did actually say to my wife once. I wanted to divorce her on the spot for not knowing where that came from. How can you be born in the 1970's and not know what Archie Bunker says to his wife? It's fucking criminal! Of course, my girl Sook knows exactly what I'm talking about.

We spend the last ten minutes of the ride to my sons' school laughing and picking on one another. I feel years younger and emotionally freer than I have in years. We pull up in front and I ask Sook to wait for me out here while I go get the boys. Thankfully she understands completely and isn't at all offended by my request. I didn't expect her to be, but I'm still very relieved she isn't upset.

I go into the school and sign in. A quick trip down the hall and I'm at the nurse's office, retrieving my two puking boys. Shit, this sucks for them – I fucking hate it when my boys are sick! I gather them, their bags of ruined clothes, and several air-sickness bags and head out to the car. I ask how they're doing, and both just groan at me – in unison. _Freaky twin powers!_

They both feel so shitty that I don't bother giving them a heads up about Sookie being in the car. When we reach the car I put their stuff in the way back and make sure they are settled into the back seat before getting back into the driver's seat.

"Who's the broad?" Alex asks Liam with a head nod in Sookie's direction.

"Dude, I know as much as you do. What do ya want me to do, guess?" Liam snarks back.

Sookie's dying laughing next to me, with the best 'holy shit' look on her face. "Oh my god, Eric! They're mini yous!"

"Stifle it, Edith," I say in a mock warning tone.

"Ha! Isabel's curse worked – in spades!" She's fallen over in her seat she's laughing so hard, her face wet with tears.

"I get even, Stackhouse, remember that," I warn again.

"Bring it, big boy. You got nothing on me!" she snorts again.

"Oh, it's on like Donkey Kong now, woman!" I'm laughing right along with her at this point, loving the fact that I can enjoy such easy banter again in my world.

"Dad, seriously – who's the dame?" Liam asks; rudely, I might add.

Before I can reprimand my boy for his appalling lack of manners, Sookie jumps right in with both feet. She turns right around in her seat and smiles sweetly at the boys. "I thought I was a broad?" she asks in a serious tone. I know her well enough to know she's full of shit right now – and I love the fact I still know that.

"Dame, broad…whatever," the boys say in unison.

"That's kinda creepy, Eric." I burst out laughing and tell her I know it is. "They do that often?" she asks while still staring at the boys.

"Yup," the boys reply in unison yet again.

"That's freaking wild!" Sook exclaims, eliciting a smile from the boys. "I'm Sookie, good to meet you both."

"Who would name their kid Cookie?" Alex asks.

"Yeah, you got robbed, lady" Liam adds.

"Oh my god, can I take them home?" She whips around to look at me. "These guys are just too neat! I want some, please," she whines at me.

"Holy hell in a handbasket, guys, you broke her in less than five minutes!" I exclaim in exasperation. "Now what do I do with her? She's useless if she's broken. There's no market for damaged Sookies, you know."

The damaged girl in question pinches my arm again and tells me "I'll show you damaged, Northman."

"Bring it, _Cookie,_" I draw out her name to make it extra annoying.

"Holy balls, Liam!" Alex exclaims. "This is why dad was whistling zippity doodah out of his butt this morning. It's this Cookie lady."

"Okay, really, guys. It's Sss-ookie. Not Cookie." She looks at me and mouths "holy balls?" with the biggest shit eating grin on her face.

I've got to put an end to this shit, this is nuts. Though I must admit, I'm thrilled that the interaction between Sookie and the boys is so easy going and natural. "Okay, you two goofballs. First off, do not say holy balls. And while we're at it, where in the name of all that's holy did you learn broad and dame?" I turn to Sookie and assure her I don't talk like that before turning back to the boys. "And lastly, pull it together you two because you're going to grandma's house for the night."

As sick as my boys are, you'd think they'd want to be home with their mom or dad, but noooo – not my boys. Oh, they'd stay home with just me, but their mom "get's on their nerves," their words, not mine, when they're puking. Grandma is their hero when they're sick. So of course, the news is greeted with cheers and yahoos from the peanut gallery in the back.

"Where's mom this time, Dad?" Liam asks.

As I'm assuring them that I don't know but am sure she's fine, Alex says something to make my blood boil. "Maybe she's with the Charles dude we met last month?"

_Charles dude? What fucking Charles dude?_

I look over at Sook, who has a very different 'oh shit' face on at the moment. I'm not really sure what the fuck is going on right now, but I need to say something back to the boys. "I'm sure whoever she's with, she's fine boys." That's about the best I can fucking manage right now.

We pull up to my mother's a short minute later and pile out of the car. I ask Sook if she's coming in with us.

"Sure, I'm positive Izzy will be just _thrilled_ to see me!" Yeah, I'm not so sure she's wrong about that, but I could give a fuck less what my mother thinks right about now.

We get up to the door and the boys fly in like they own the joint, no knocking, no nothing. My mother's standing at the kitchen sink when the boys attack her from behind. She turns herself around and envelopes the boys in a huge hug then damn near shits herself when she looks up from the boys and sees Sookie.

"Holy shit on a shingle, what the hell are you doing here?" Well, the question of where my boys are getting their latest sayings is finally solved.

"Nice, Ma." She waves me off dismissively and shocks the shit out of all of us by pulling Sookie into a tight hug.

Why do I feel like I've just stepped into the Twilight Zone? _Do not attempt to adjust your sets…_

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_**Well, now we know why ten year olds would say "dame" – it's Izzy's influence. Can't wait to see what unfolds! Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_


	6. Don't Go Away Mad

_**Sooo…I was truly horrible about getting back to everyone on their reviews for the last chappy – I'm really sorry, but had a medical procedure this week and between it and the rest of RL, I just couldn't. I promise to do a better job and not be a slacking hooka! **_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being allstar betas! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

I'm standing here with my mouth agape watching my mother hug my first love. Now it's no secret that my mother was not Sookie's biggest fan back in the day. Did she hate her? Never; at least she's never said so out loud. But let's just say that my relationship with Sookie was so epically fucked up back then that my poor mother "didn't know whether to shit or go blind" with the two of us. _She's a pistol, my mom_.

I would never in a million years, expect the hug fest occurring in my mother's kitchen right now however. It's surreal.

My mother finally releases Sookie from her embrace, but grabs her hand and leads her to a seat at the kitchen table. "Sit here dear, let me get the boys settled and I'll be right back." My mother kisses Sookie's cheek and ushers the boys out of the kitchen.

Alex and Liam tell Sookie it was nice to meet her and that they hoped they'd see her again "wicked soon." _She always could win people over in thirty seconds flat. _

"Your boys kick ass, Eric," she says with a smile as I join her at the table. "And _holy shit_, what's up with your mom? I mean, it's not like I expected her to come after me with a pitchfork, but that was fucking nuts!"

I couldn't agree more, and tell her as much. She asks me who Charles is and what's really going on with my wife, and I assure her I don't have any idea on either count. I'm willing to bet at this point that my wife is having an affair – I'd be a moron not to think so. Sookie is kind enough not to express any opinions she might have on the subject and instead offers to be whatever I need, whenever I need it.

_What I need, what I want and what's right are such different things sometimes_. Though, if my darling wife is fucking another man… all bets are off, ladies and gentlemen. I thank her for her consideration, kindness and friendship just as my mother reenters the room.

"Izzy, it's really wonderful to see you again," Sookie says with a genuine smile as my mother takes her seat next to Sook.

"You too, my dear. Though I must admit, I'm shocked as shit to see you!" my mom laughs. "What? Did you teleport here? How the hell did you two find each other after all this time?"

_I'll be damned_…I never asked Sook how she found me. Huh?

"Shit, this is embarrassing." Sookie puts her head down on the table and mumbles her answer. "I paid for one of those people search and background check things on the internet," she's so quiet with her head against the table that I can hardly hear her.

My mother didn't miss it though and cackles loudly, "Ha! You paid to find Eric? Oh, that's rich!"

Sookie looks momentarily dejected until I take her hand and lace it with mine. I bring our linked hands to my lips and kiss the back of hers before kissing each knuckle gently. "Sookie, I don't care how you found me. I'm just so fucking happy you did." I hope she hears the sincerity in my voice.

When her eyes meet mine, she smiles broadly at me I know she does and I can tell she's just as happy as I am. Our little exchange does not go unnoticed by my mother; she's looking back and forth between us like we're a tennis match in progress. Finally a slow, knowing smile spreads across her face.

"You two look awful cozy. Anything you kiddies would like to share with the rest of the class?" she asks as she puts her elbows on the table and clasps her hands together resting her chin on them.

Sookie's blush goes straight to my dick and I'm finding it surprisingly difficult to will away the hard on I should _not_ be sporting in my mother's kitchen.

"Nothing I can think of, Mom," I say in a warning tone.

My mother - being the person she is - totally ignores my warning and asks a question I really wish I had thought of myself.

"Sookie, dear, why didn't you just get his number from Sam or Tommy? It seems silly to pay to find Eric when the guys knew where he was."

When Sookie explained that she'd tried that unsuccessfully, I'm really not surprised the guys wouldn't give her my contact info. It took me fucking forever to get over her - not that I really ever did, but that's not the point. I know them, and they were just looking out for me. I could be pissed about it, but it won't change anything and she's here now. The guys also know how unhappy I am with my wife, so I'm sure that played heavily into their decision as well.

I listen to my mom and Sookie catch up for a bit, joining in the conversation occasionally. What fucking floors me is when my mom tells Sookie that "as many problems as you and Eric had as kids, you were simply too young to be that involved. He's grown so much since then, and I can tell just from this little amount of chatting that you have too. If he's ever smart enough to dump the Poodle, I'd be happy to see you two give it another go."

Our faces are the exact same mask of 'holy fucking shit' shock. Once Sook recovers, she tells my mom that she didn't come back into the picture to break up my marriage and then gives a very brief and condensed version of why she did contact me.

I tell Sook we need to get going soon and that I'm going to go check on the boys. They're huddled on the couch watching _The Family Guy _and sipping at ginger ales. I may not love my wife like I should, but I'll never be sorry for meeting her – my boys are the best thing that ever happened to me.

They apologize if they shouldn't have told me about Charles; they tell me they "might not always like mom, but they don't want to get her in trouble either." I assure them that it'll be fine, and that whatever's going on – I'll never leave them. My boys - being the little geniuses they are - tell me that they know I'm not happy with their mother, but that no matter what they want to live with me.

Well, at least that's settled. If what _suspect_ is happening is _actually_ happening, that's a bridge we'll be crossing soon.

The boys tell me how much they like the "Cookie Lady" – they're such smartasses - and that I seem really happy when I'm with her. Alex asks if I'm leaving mom for Sookie. I assure him that if something happens and his mother and I don't work out, it will have nothing to do with Sookie.

We talk for a few more minutes about them staying at my mom's tonight and what to do if they need me. Just as I'm getting up to hug and kiss them goodbye, Sook and my mom come in. The boys _actually_ get up off the couch to go hug Sookie and thank her for coming with me to come get them. Very few things get my boys off the couch when they're sick – the must _really_ like the Cookie Lady a lot. My heart hurts just a little, watching my boys accept Sookie so easily and I can't describe how it feels watching her fall for them too.

My mom walks us out to the car and pulls Sook into another tight hug. We have to _promise_ my mom that Sookie will come back to see her before she leaves Cali… if she leaves.

I have serious doubts I'll be able to let her go again. I know it's been less than twenty four hours since I've been back in contact with her, but it's the happiest I've been in twenty four _years_. _I'm so fucking screwed._

We pull away from the curb after getting all buckled in and such, then head towards my place. I know deep in the pit of my stomach that my wife is having an affair. I'm lost in thought when I feel Sook's hand on my thigh.

I lace our fingers together and sigh; it's amazing how the simplest touch from her can still bring me so much comfort, even after all this time.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she says with a smile.

I explain to her that I'm sure Felicia's cheating, and she reluctantly agrees that it certainly does seem that way.

"I don't know what's worse here, Sook. The fact that she's cheating or that she introduced some asswagon to my boys." I'm fucking _fuming_ about that.

I know I should feel like a hypocrite, seeing as my boys just met Sookie, but I don't. First off, I'm not having an affair. Yes, I kissed her, but come on – it's not the end of the world. Considering how much more I wanted to do to her, I'd say I deserve a fucking medal right now!

Second, I wouldn't have introduced Sook to the boys had there not been an emergency at school. I can't imagine what led her to have her fuck buddy around my kids. Last night she's begging me for another baby, and today I find out about a possible affair. Who am I kidding? A _likely_ affair.

As we pull up to the house, all my suspicions are confirmed. Sitting in my driveway is a car I've never seen before, and parked next to it is my wife's van. Not only is she here – she's got company.

"Eric, do you want me to stay out here?" Sookie asks quietly.

I assure her that it's probably safer if she comes in with me, that way I don't end up in jail for murder; I may not love my wife the way I should – but if she's fucking another man in _my house_ – I'm not gonna handle it well.

We enter through the front door quietly and as soon as we're standing in the foyer you can hear the sound of sex wafting down the stairs.

"_Mother fucker_!" I whisper yell at Sookie.

Her eyes are wide and she looks almost as pissed as I am. My girl has always been a protective little thing.

She grabs my hand, stopping my forward momentum, and looks me in the eyes, "Eric, don't do anything stupid. Stay calm, do what you need to do, but remember you have the boys to worry about."

I nod my understanding at her. "Thanks, Sweetcheeks, for being here with me for this." I bring our linked hands to my mouth and kiss the back of her hand gently before releasing it.

No matter what I feel for Sook, I don't need to be holding her hand when I walk my wife cheating on me.

Sookie's hot on my heels as I head up the stairs to my bedroom. When I reach my bedroom door I'm amazed at the sight before me.

There is my wife - dressed in a jockey outfit, crop and all, riding the back of a disgustingly hairy, pasty white, paunchy man wearing a bit and bridle… and a tail? Is he wearing a fucking butt plug? With a tail attached? Jesus fuck, he is! I'm fucking astounded! My wife, the world's most boring fuck, is _role playing_. With a horse fetish type fucked up shit… and a tail – I'm not getting over that shit – ever.

"Holy fucking hell! What the fuck are they doing? Does he have a tail plugged into his ass?" Sookie exclaims. It's obvious she didn't mean to say it out loud when she all but smacks herself in the face trying to cover up her mouth.

I can't help but laugh at her. _Laugh_. As my wife is fucking around with another man in my bedroom, my girl makes me laugh. I'm sure in this moment that I will do whatever I need to in order to never be without Sookie again. EVER!

At the sound of Sookie's voice and my laugh the stable comes to order.

"Eric!" Felicia exclaims as she hops off her little pony.

"Oh, so you remember my name, do you?"

She stammers as she watches her plaything scramble towards the bathroom. "Wa…what are yyyou doing here? You're supposed to be out of town for the day! You've got no right to barge in here."

"So, because I wasn't supposed to be here, it's okay for you to dress up and ride my pretty pony over there and forget about our kids?" She's unbefuckinglievable right now.

She tries giving me some lame, bullshit excuse that she didn't forget our kids and was in "no shape" to go get them at the time. Apparently, that's when Sookie reachs her limit.

"You're shitting me, lady, right? You'd rather role play with that hideous fur bag over there than take care of your sick boys?" she snarks as she steps out from behind me. "You've got a husband like _Eric_ and two beautiful boys, and you'd risk all that for a jockey outfit and a fury, fake horse sporting a butt plug?"

My mouth is hanging open as I watch Sookie go. While she was never a shy one, I'll admit to being surprised at her outburst here. The strangest part is that I'm not mad she just bitched out my wife. There's not one thing Sookie is saying that's wrong.

"Eric, who is this fucking bitch and why are you letting your whore talk to me that way?"

She _did not_ just call Sookie a whore.

"This is no whore, Felicia. This is a very old friend of mine. She's not wrong about a single thing she said to you and that's why I'm not correcting her." I turn towards Sookie and wave my hand at my wife, "Sook, this is my cheating wife, Felicia. Cheating wife, this is Sookie."

"This is your _ex -_" Felicia starts to bitch at me, but I cut her off quickly.

"I'm not going to debate anything with you and I refuse to explain anything about Sookie either. What I will do is tell you that this will be your last night in my home. You will pack your shit, take your _pet_," I gesture at the man whom I'm assuming is Charles as he rejoins us from the bathroom – sans tail-plug-thingy, "and get the fuck out of my life. I will be filing for divorce immediately along with full custody of the boys."

I hear a clicking beside me and notice that Sookie is taking pictures of the scene in front of us with her phone. The bed is a sexed up mess, click. There's condoms on the nightstand - click. My wife in her jockey outfit – which upon closer look is crotch-less… eww - click. Her little pony - click.

_Have I mentioned that Sookie fucking rocks?_

"You will vacate my life immediately. And thanks to Sookie here, I've got the proof I need to get rid of this sham of a marriage quickly and for less than half of my assets." With that I grab my own phone out of my pants and start clicking away – hey, the more angles the better – evidence and all that shit.

"I'm not leaving this house, those are _my_ kids and you're _my_ husband!" Felicia is shrieking at me as she lunges for Sookie.

I step in front of Sookie and tell Felicia that she's not going to lay a hand on Sook. Apparently her pony decided he's had enough of the screaming as well, because he finally joins the party and comes to restrain my wife.

"That's enough, honey. Let him have the girl, you have me," he says while giving me the stink-eye.

"This _girl_ wouldn't be stupid enough to throw away a man like Eric for the likes of your missing-linkish ass, you douchetard! Seriously, have you heard of Nair? Wax much?"

I fucking lose it and burst out laughing – somewhere between douchetard and Nair – I'm done.

"Twenty-four hours, Felicia. That's all you get to vacate my world. I won't fight you on visitation, but the boys are staying with me. Get your shit and get out."

I pull Sookie gently with me as I back away from the room. We descend the stairs quickly, and before we reach the bottom I'm already on the phone with my lawyer. I explain the situation briefly and ask him to get formal separation papers ready. Sookie reaches into my pocket as I open passenger's door for her and takes the keys from me. She then gestures for me to get in and heads around the front of the car to drive. My lawyer says he'll have the papers ready for me to sign within the hour and that he should be able to have them delivered before nightfall. I assure him I'll be at his office exactly one hour from now.

I thank Sook for driving and tell her that we need to go to my bar before I can go to my lawyer's office. She tells me how sorry she is for everything I'm going through; she also apologizes for "running her big mouth in something that's none of her concern." I assure her all is well as I give her directions to my bar.

I can't help but wonder if it's wrong that I'm almost _happy_ my wife is fucking around. No one wants to be cheated on, but the marriage really hasn't been good for a while and now I'm free to figure out what's next in my life.

I'm oddly sure that Sookie coming back into my life is a sign from the universe.

"Don't Go Away Mad (Just Go Away)" by Mötley Crüe

Oooo, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah  
>One Time<br>Oooo, yeah,Oooooooo  
>We could sail away<br>Or catch a freight train  
>Or a rocketship into outer space<br>Nothin' left to do  
>Too many things were said<br>To ever make it feel  
>Like yesterday did<p>

Seasons must change  
>Separate paths, separate ways<br>If we blame it on anything  
>Let's blame it on the rain<p>

I knew it all along  
>I'd have to write this song<br>Too young to fall in love  
>Guess we knew it all along<p>

That's alright, that's okay  
>We were walkin' through some youth<br>Smilin' through the pain  
>That's alright, that's okay<br>Let's turn the page

My friends called today  
>Down from L.A.<br>They were shooting pool all night  
>Sleeping half of the day<br>They said I could crash  
>If I could find my own way<br>I told them you were leaving  
>On a bus to go away<p>

That's alright, that's okay  
>We were two kids in love<br>Trying to find our way  
>That's alright, that's okay<br>Held our dreams in our hands  
>Let our minds run away<br>That's alright, now that's okay  
>We were walkin' through some youth<br>Smilin' through the pain  
>That's alright, let's turn the page<br>And remember what I say girl  
>And it goes this way<p>

Girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away<br>Girl, don't go away mad  
>Now girl, just go away<br>Here we go

Don't go away mad  
>I don't want you to stay, Yeah<br>Come on, girl

Come on, baby  
>I'll say it one more time<p>

Girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away<br>Girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away yeah, yeah<br>Girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away, Yeah<br>Now I said girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away<br>Now I said girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away, yeah<br>Girl, don't go away mad  
>Girl, just go away...<p>

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_**So, I've got to give an extra special thanks to my two ladies – MissyDee and BaltiK this time.**_

_**MissyDee gave me the tail – which I was a bad, bad girl and left out – my girl is a RIOT and made this chapter heaps and heaps better with this little addition and direction. **_

_**BaltiK gave me douchetard – it's a favorite of hers and I'm quite happy that Sookie was able to use it well here. I'd say it's the perfect description of a man that's willing to wear a butt plug-tail-thingy… **_

_**Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_


	7. I Go Crazy

_**Random note: I realize that my facts with the laws regarding divorce in Cali might not be correct… but I'm going to say that since this is a fictional little world, that I don't care if they are or not. What I'd like everyone to do is pretend that there is nothing incorrect (if there is) about the speediness in which papers were filed, served and legalized… **_

_**It's just easier, happier and serves my story better **_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and Balti K for being allstar betas! **_

_**One more quick thing – thank you for all the reviews of the last chapter and thank you to everyone who wished me well and/or healing thoughts. Sorry that I sucked again and didn't respond to all of you – but I'm on the mend and with any luck this won't occur again. I love you all and am constantly amazed at what a wonderful group of people you really are! You make me think, you make me laugh, and you make me so very proud to be a part of this writing community! LOVE YOU ALL BUNCHES!**_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

I can't help but reflect on what a screwball of a fucking day this has turned out to be. Well, really the screwy started with Sook's phone call last night, but I can't find it in me to be mad about the coming changes to my life. The weirdest part is that I don't think my boys are gonna give a single shit about not living with their mother anymore. _Hell, I'd be surprised if they even want to see her at this point. _

It made me extremely proud, even more so than normal, when Sookie gushed over how "fucking kick ass" my bar is. Twisted Metal is my life outside of my boys, that is; I chose the name as homage to my love affair with the music of my youth. I've never been a huge fan of Twisted Sister, but _I_ think the name of my bar kicks ass – so does Sook. I swear she looked at, touched, and damn near caressed every inch of the bar. Felicia never took this much interest in Twisted, not since the day I started the plans for it. The best part of Sookie in my bar – not one emotion or action was faked. The look on her face as she took in everything that I worked my ass off for was so genuinely honest and excited. It makes me happier than I can explain that she genuinely appreciates something that means so much to me. This girl always did get me, _all of me_.

The whole reason to go to my bar was to tell the staff that Felicia is not entitled to anything, for any reason; she is to be banned from the store room, and especially my office. I know my wife, and as much as I hate to admit it – that woman has a vindictive streak a mile long and I can only imagine what she'll try to steal before the divorce. I also don't want her coming in here and harassing me or the staff, so they've all been notified that if she comes in and causes any trouble – they have my blessing to call the cops.

The hour we needed to wait before going to see my lawyer flew by in a flash. I wonder if time will always move so quickly when I'm with Sookie? I still hadn't calmed down enough to drive by the time we headed to Mr. Cataliades office, so I again let Sook drive and I played the role of GPS. Within minutes of arriving there the papers were signed, witness, notarized and all but hermetically preserved and were on their way to my soon to be ex wife. _It's fucking astounding how quickly things will move when you have money and a high-powered lawyer on retainer._ Sookie hadn't joined me inside the lawyer's private office, for obvious reasons, but Damon still noticed her. I gave him a brief explanation of who she was and why she was there; I also assured him that nothing other than a brief make out session had occurred prior to finding out about Felicia. Needless to say he was crying with laughter when I told him about Pony-boy.

Once our business was settled, I brought Damon out to meet Sookie. He was as instantly taken with her as everyone else always is – you'd think this girl has some freaky mind power with the way people fawn over her. He even offered to be her lawyer when she gets her writing career off the ground and Damon _never_ gets involved in any "celebrity bullshit," as he calls it.

Shit, he might just be in love with her too, after knowing her for less than twenty minutes. _This might be a new record._ If he didn't have a wife, as well as two daughters our age, I'd be nervous.

We stayed at his offices until the phone call came in that the papers had been served. Apparently she wasn't even packing when the messenger arrived. It doesn't matter to me at this point, however, because I'm thinking I'll let her keep the fucking house. That was one of Damon's suggestions – the house is paid for and worth a substantial amount, if I simply give it to her as part of the settlement then I won't have to give her a whole lot else. Especially considering her adultery – that never helps the one committing it to get more in the settlement. I didn't ask for child support, not only because she doesn't work, but because I don't need her fucking money – the boys and I will be more than fine without it.

I'm legally separated and the feeling is amazing; I feel freer than I have in years. I really didn't realize until this moment how much of a downer my marriage really was to my world. Now, driving back to my mother's house to explain all this to the boys, I feel years younger and more at peace than I can describe. Sookie wanted to take a cab back to SacTown, but I'm not ready to let her go yet. I've asked her to take my mother out for a walk, dinner, movie, anything to give me a little time to talk to my boys about what's going on. She doesn't want to intrude and makes this perfectly clear, but finally agrees when I admit that I need her to help me get through this night once I go tell my boys.

We pull up to my mom's house and before Sookie even has her seatbelt undone, I'm wrapped around her, hugging her for all I'm worth. I have to tell her how much it means to me that she's here and supporting me through this, how I'm not sure all this would be bearable if she wasn't here with me now. I mean, shitty marriage or not – who wants to get cheated on? She tells me how guilty she feels, like it's her fault that my world is falling apart since she called me.

"Sookie, one has nothing to do with the other," I assure her quickly. "It's not as if Felicia just began this affair today, after finding out you called. (A) she didn't know you called, and (B) the boys met that asshat last month." I pull out of our embrace kiss her forehead gently before locking eyes with her. "You coming back into my life has the potential to be the best thing that's ever happened to me besides my boys. Please, _please_ don't apologize for calling me."

"Promise you won't resent me for coming back at the same time your marriage fell apart, and I won't bring this up again."

"I promise, with all that I am, I will NEVER be sorry you called. I could never resent you, Sweetcheeks. _Never_." I mean that wholeheartedly.

I give her a quick, chaste, kiss to the lips and tell her we need to get this show on the road. As we're heading up the sidewalk something dawns on me.

"Sook," I grab her hand to stop her, "please let me stay with you tonight if the boys don't want me here with them. I'm sorry, but I have to stay if they need me," she's already nodding her head vigorously in understanding. "But if not, I want to stay with you. We don't have to do anything other than talk, but I'm _really_ not ready to let you go yet."

She agrees and I assure her that if the boys do want me to stay then either she can take the spare room here or either my mother or I will drive her back to the hotel tonight and I'll see her tomorrow or the next day, depending on what's going on with the boys.

We enter the house and immediately search out my mom. I ask her as pointedly as possible to talk a walk with Sookie and assure her that Sook and her have a lot to say to one another. She's obviously confused, but agrees to go. Realization dawns on her face when I mention that I need to talk to the boys about some changes coming up in their lives. She gives Sook a strange look, which makes my girl throw her hands up in the 'I surrender' position and announce "I didn't do shit, Izzy, I swear! But I'll tell you _all_ about it while we walk."

I assure Sook she can tell my mother _everything_ as they leave the house. I know my mom, and she's gonna laugh her ass off about the pony – she might even piss herself over the tail.

I go find the boys, who thankfully look a shitload better, and tell them we need to chat. I explain to them that their mother and I are separating, but obviously don't get into the why's of it with my ten year olds. They know though, and Liam even says he "knew Mom was whoring it up." I chastise him gently for his language and tell him that his mother is not a whore, even though he's right. I give them the kinder explanation that their mother and I just haven't been happy together but were trying to make it work for their sakes. I tell them that it's okay that Felicia found happiness with someone else and that we'll still be a family, we just won't live together. There's a brief freak out on their part over where they'll live, and I assure them that they will be with me full time, but can still see their mom anytime they want. We talk about the house and they tell me they really want to stay there if possible, at least for now. While they don't care about where their mom stays, the house is home for them. They ask if they can stay at Gram's for a few days until things settle down, and I tell them of course they can. I know my mom won't mind, and it's probably a good idea until I can change the locks and get her shit out of there.

The boys assure me that if we can't keep the house, they'll be fine – as long as they stay with me. They ask about Sookie and if she'll be living with us now. I tell them no, that we're just friends right now and that it wouldn't be right to move in with her until everything is settled with their mom. They tell me that they like Sook, and they like how happy I am when I'm with her. They ask, in their freaky twin way, "can we spend more time with her, please, Dad?" They go on to say that she's funny, and they could use some happy right now. _Shit, we all could._ I tell them that I'd love for them get to know Sookie, as I'd like to spend much more time with her again. I explain, with very little detail, that Sookie was my first love and my girlfriend all through high school. They ask if I ever wish she was their mom. I tell them honestly that while I wish Sookie and I had never split up sometimes, that I did truly love their mother and that I can't regret her being their mom because of how awesome they are. I explain that if anyone else was their mom, they wouldn't be _exactly_ who they are _now_. "I wouldn't trade who you boys are for anything in this world. I love you both, just exactly the way you are. So I wouldn't change a thing." They ask if Sookie and I will marry or if we'll have babies together. I have tell them to slow down. "We haven't even had a date yet, boys, plus I'm still married to your mom. How about we start with being friends with Sookie and take it from there?" They agree, but tell me if Sookie "stays this cool then I can keep her," which I find hysterical.

We're laughing like loons when Sookie and my mom come back inside. My mother looks like a kid on Christmas morning, she's so happy 'the poodle' and I are splitting up. I tell the boys that I'll be back after I bring Sookie home – I feel like I should stay with them tonight.

"No way!" they yell in unison. "You promised we could stay with Gram!"

I try explaining that we can all stay with Gram, but they tell me this is their time with her and that I "can't go mooching in on it." They also tell me to "go buy the Sookie a cookie," which causes a fit of laughter from everyone.

After several attempts to make sure they are seriously okay with me leaving, all met with irritation, I finally concede and agree to go. They tell me they're staying home tomorrow and that I better not come back until dark. When I asked them who they thought was in charge here, they pointed at my mother and said "her" – the little shits. My mother grins widely and tells them what "smart young men they are" before ushering Sookie and out of the room. I hug and kiss my boys goodbye and follow my ladies out of the room.

I answer all of my mother's questions and assure her I'm fine. She begins crying all over again with silent laughter over the tail, but in all honesty it's funnier than hell – creepy, but fucking hysterical. She tells me to come back in time for dinner tomorrow night and that she'll call the school in the morning.

"Sookie, you're welcome to come if you want, dear."

"Thanks, Izzy, but I think maybe Eric should spend some time alone with the boys. Thanks for the invite, and let's just play things by ear, okay?"

We say our goodbyes and head out the SUV. As we pull out of the drive Sook asks if I'm okay. I'm surprised to tell her that I am. We talk for a while about what will happen now with the boys and my life. I don't mention anything about her and I being an _us_ yet, I need at least a few minutes to process this shit alone. Sook holds my hand the whole way and assures me of my strength, my boys' strength and the fact that we'll all survive this.

I ask her to talk about something else for a bit, I need a distraction. We chat about her book and what she thinks of moving out here. The thought of her leaving again makes my stomach lurch, so I change the subject again. We talk about old friends, catch up on any gossip the other has missed and chat about mundane shit like movies and music.

It was fucking wonderful. I've talked more to this woman in the last hour than I have my wife in the last month. Now, that doesn't mean I tried not to talk to my wife – it means that talking to my wife is like talking to wet cardboard. _Apparently, she saves her wild side for pony rides._

We get back to Sookie's hotel and have the valet park my car for us. I hadn't thought to grab new clothes at the house, so we take a quick walk to the Aeropostale in the Westfield Plaza on L St. A quick pick of a few outfits and some sleep pants (thank god they sell boxers too) and we're on our way back to the hotel. Naked time with Sookie would be a dream come true, but not really realistic at this point in time.

We get up to her room and look through the room service menu for dinner options. Neither of us feel like going out and being around other people, so we order in dinner. There's no need to order wine from the menu, thanks to her recent trip to Napa; homegirl's got a _shit ton_ of wine stashed in her room.

"Holy shit, Sook, wino much?" I laugh as I take in the collection of bottles.

"Yeah, funny thing about growing up. Milwaukee's best is no longer the good beer, and I've developed a taste for wine." Good beer, that's some funny shit.

"It was never the _good beer_; it was the _cheap beer_, honey." I point out with a snort. "There's a difference."

She turns the iPod back on and we settle into the couch, chatting effortlessly while we wait for our food. Dinner comes and the food is fucking amazing – like everything else here so far. My surf and turf is to die for; the filet is a mile thick and cuts like butter. Sookie also ordered the surf and turf, but she got the shrimp scampi as opposed to the lobster tail; those shrimp are fucking huge. Our conversation flows easily through dinner and our after dinner drinks.

I excuse myself to use the bathroom and almost shit myself when I see the tub. It's huge and looks like it has jets, like a fucking Jacuzzi. My dick stiffens instantly – thank god I'd pissed already, because it sucks trying to piss with a raging hard on. How I'm _not_ going to have my way with the gorgeous girl in the other room after seeing this tub, I'll never know.

I leave the bathroom, eyes wide, and my girl instantly knows what I'm thinking.

"Noticed the tub, did ya, big boy?" she says with a grin.

"Uh huh," is all I can manage to reply – _smooth, I know._

I take my seat next to her and poor another glass of wine for each of us. We talk some more about random shit, and while I'm present for the conversation, I'm still totally stuck on bathing with Sookie. That tub is the bomb!

"Earth to Eric," Sook says with a smile. "I know you're participating and all, but your mind is still stuck in the bathroom isn't it?"

"You know me too well, woman. Even after all this time."

"You know you're more than welcome to take a dip in it, right? I want you to relax and feel good after what you've been through today."

I nod but remain quiet for a bit while I process my thoughts. I want Sookie, every inch of her – like yesterday. I'm just not sure if I can bring myself to make love to another woman the night I separate from my wife.

"Sook, honey, would you take a bath with me?" She gives me a look of uncertainty so I quickly continue, "I don't know how intimate I can get with you tonight, though I want you so badly, but I'd really like the closeness of us in the tub together. If you're willing."

She stares at me for a moment before downing the rest of her wine. She takes my hand and smiles at me, "Eric, I'm ready for anything you are. I've been separated for a little bit longer than you and I've known for a while that I was ready for mine to end." She looks at me pointedly as she continues "I don't want to end up being something you regret."

I pull her into my lap and hug her to me tightly. "You will _never_ be something I regret. _Nothing_ with you will ever be a mistake, except for letting you go all those years ago." I say reverently into her hair, "you've come back into my life and it's so effortless between us – it's like no time has passed. You'll never be a mistake, Sweetcheeks."

Holding her is amazing, and the song on the iPod makes me smile. Every time I hear "I Go Crazy" she's the one that comes to mind; now here she is, in my arms, as the song plays. We hold each other for a bit longer before I stand up - her still attached - and head towards that fucking sweet tub. I don't know what will transpire between us tonight, but I know whatever does will be exactly what _should_ happen.

Too much has occurred in the last twenty four hours for me not to believe in fate. We've spent so much time apart, there's so much we've missed – yet in this moment, I know none of it matters.

I know, with every fiber of my being, that this is just the beginning.

"I Go Crazy" By Paul Davis

Hello girl it's been awhile  
>Guess you'll be glad to know<br>That I've learned how to laugh and smile  
>Getting over you was slow<br>They say old lovers can be good friends  
>But I never thought I'd really see you<br>I'd really see you again

I go crazy  
>When I look in your eyes<br>I still go crazy  
>No my heart just can't hide<br>That old feelin' inside  
>Way deep down inside<br>Oh baby, you know when I look in your eyes  
>I go crazy<p>

You say he satisfies your mind  
>Tells you all of his dreams<br>I know how much that means to you  
>I realize that I was blind<br>Just when I thought I was over you  
>I see your face and it just ain't true<br>No it just ain't true

I go crazy  
>When I look in your eyes<br>I still go crazy  
>That old flame comes alive<br>It starts burning inside  
>Way deep down inside<br>Oh baby, you know when I look in your eyes  
>I go crazy<p>

[Instrumental Interlude]

Whoah-hoo-hoo

I go crazy  
>You know when I look in your eyes<br>I go crazy  
>No my heart just can't hide<br>That old feelin' inside  
>Way deep down inside<br>I go crazy

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_**Wonder if they'll be able to keep things platonic when they're all wet and naked… guess we'll have to see. And how'd ya like the boys – I think they handled it well. I'd never forgive myself as a mom if my son was that okay with not living with me – guess she's really been an asshole to her boys. Stupid lady, who'd throw away Eric and his boys?**_

_**Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_


	8. What Might Have Been

_**Thanks again for all the reviews, alerts and favorites! I've tried to get back to everyone, but if I didn't don't hate me! I would also like to thank everyone for their well wishes and thoughts – I just love you all.**_

_**Oh, and real life – being the greedy fucker that it is – demands that I actually spend some time this week working on homework, so it might be a bit before I post anything after today. But I promise it won't be too long!**_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and BaltiK for being allstar betas! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlene Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

Not much is spoken between us as we wait for the tub to fill, though the silence is not uncomfortable. We steal glances at one another and smile each time our eyes meet; this should feel awkward, but it doesn't. There's anticipation and curiosity floating between us; her facial expressions tell me she's feeling exactly what I am, but no awkwardness.

Finally the tub is ready and it's time to undress. As much as I want to undress her myself, now is not the time for that; one look at her face tells me we're on exactly the same page. This seems to be a trend with us, one that I enjoy immensely.

Our eyes are locked on one another's as we begin to shed ourselves of our clothing. This is possibly the most sensual and romantic moment I've yet to experience, and I'm powerless to stop my erection. I've tasted, touched and fucked every inch of this woman. Granted, it's been years since I've done it last, but my body remembers _vividly_ the pleasure her body brings it.

We each strip slowly, savoring this moment. Once we're both sans clothing we stand there for a moment, just taking in the scenery. We're both breathing shallowly, eyes wide, hunger clearly written on both our faces. I may not be able to see my own face, but I'm craving this woman right now, no fucking way it doesn't show.

After a few moments of ogling one another, I step backwards into the tub, never breaking eye contact, and extend my hand to her in invitation. She accepts with a smile; I guide her into the tub safely and lower myself into the water. I sit with my back against the wall opposite the spout as Sookie lowers herself with her back facing me. She turns on the jets and relaxes back against my chest. Instinctively my arms wrap around her and she sighs softly.

We hold each other for a while, I lose track of time while I'm with her, as we talk about all that was wrong with my marriage. I know it's not the most romantic conversation, but she wants to know what it was about my relationship with Felicia that made me so unhappy. I can't help but hope she wants to know what _not_ to do when we get together. Yes, when, not if. I'm not letting her go again. Holding her in my arms right now, all naked and warm, has solidified that.

So I spill everything to my first love. I tell her about the boring sex, the shitty mothering, the laziness that she displayed in being a stay at home mom, the fights over money, the stupid nicknames, and her jealousy of every woman in the world – especially of Sookie herself. I give it all to her, every single thing that made me wonder what I ever saw in my wife.

"If I'm being honest with myself, I can admit that what I did was settle. Yes, I loved her in the beginning, but it was never the kind of love I felt for you," I admit quietly. "Hell, if it had been a fraction of what I felt for you when we were together, I could have easily dealt with the rest – except the shitty mom part." There's no way to deal with that.

"Who doesn't want their kids?" she muses aloud. "She doesn't even know how fucking lucky she is. Does she even understand that some women would kill to be a mother and may never get to?" The sadness in her voice is unmistakable.

"You still want kids, don't you, honey?" I know the answer, but need to hear it out loud. While I'd refused to have another child with my wife, I find myself wondering if it would be possible for us to have kids if this works out.

"I do, and I realize that it's probably not going to happen for me. I've made about as much peace with it as I can," she sighs deeply. "What I can't understand is how a woman can have two wonderful boys like yours and not want them. If those were my boys I'd all but follow them around like a lunatic trying to make sure they were happy and had all they need. That bitch can't even be bothered to ask about them when they're sick."

"Holy fuck, Sook. I didn't even realize that she never asked about the boys! I mean, I know she was busy with Mr. Ed and all, but still." No shit, how could a mother not inquire about her sick kids?

"How fucking sad is it that I'm so used to her bullshit, I didn't even notice," I muse aloud.

"Whatever ends up happening with us, Eric, I want you to know I'm glad you're not going to be with her anymore. That woman's an asshole and you deserve better. Hope you don't mind me saying so."

I assure her I don't mind in the least. Felicia is an asshole. Pony tricks aside, she's a shitty wife and mother. I ask her if we can change the subject and she tells me that as long as I don't _need_ to talk this out anymore, she'd be happy not to hear about "that woman" anymore.

We fall back into a comfortable silence as we sit there holding each other. I've got my arms around her waist, just under her breasts while she's holding onto my thighs, rubbing them ever so lightly. I ask her to turn off the jets and hand me the soap; she does so without question. I know I'm about to torture myself, but I really want to feel more of her.

_Every fucking inch of her, if she'll let me._

I pour some soap in my hands and I'm immediately assaulted with the smell of vanilla and honey. _No wonder she smells good enough to eat_.

I gently, and _very slowly_, wash her starting at her shoulders. I massage her shoulders as I cleanse her skin, moving down her arms as I go; I'm kneading and caressing every inch of her I touch. I ask her to lean forward and I wash and massage her beautiful back. She may not be as thin as she was last time I touched her like this, but in so many ways she's even more beautiful than before. By California standards she's fat; by my standards, there's never been a more beautiful woman than my Sookie.

I bring my hands slowly up her back and under her arms to pull her gently so she's flush against my chest again. I wash her neck and the area above her breasts slowly. It's the moment of truth; if I continue washing her, I'm fairly certain I'm not going to be able to stop at only touching her for hygienic purposes.

I can still hear the iPod going in the other room, and the song that comes on as I'm debating how farther to take this makes me laugh out loud. The irony of this moment is killing me.

Sook asks me to share what's tickled my funny bone. "Well, I can't tell you how many times I've listened to this song as the reason NOT to contact you." She says she confused so I explain further, "I've wanted to come home to see you, touch you – anything – for so long now. Especially in the last few years as my marriage got worse and worse."

She asks what stopped me, and I explain that I knew she was married and that I didn't want to move back there – my life was here. I have my boys, my bar, etcetera. "But I've always wanted to see you again, and I've always wondered what might have been."

She tilts her head up towards my face and whispers, "When you're ready, _if_ you're ready, we won't have to wonder anymore, baby. We can find out what _is_, and never worry about might have been again."

My hands had been stalled just above her breasts while we were talking, but as the truth of her words sink in, my hands are on the move. I slowly bring my hands to the sides of her full breasts, sliding around them and under them, giving her every opportunity to stop me if she wishes.

When the red light never appears, I begin circling her breasts with my fingers, working slowly towards the nipples. When my fingertips finally graze her already hardened buds, her breath hitches and she moans softly. I begin teasing them, softly working the lather around her peaks just barely brushing them.

"Eric," she sighs, and I know she wants more.

Never one to want to disappoint a girl, _especially this girl_, I begin to pinch and roll her nipples between my fingers. I tug, rub, and tease her perfect nipples until she's panting and my dick is aching.

I slowly slide one hand down over her belly, again giving her time to put on the brakes, and make my way towards the Promised Land. It becomes obvious that she's not going to stop me when she shifts so that she can sling her legs over each of mine, allowing me much better access to her pussy.

In the back of my mind, I know that this should feel wrong. I mean, I've only been separated from my wife for a matter of hours. The problem is _nothing_ about this feels wrong. It's as if my body instinctively remembers hers. As my fingertips tease the outside of her folds, I remember how this used to make her frantic with need. Her panting and wiggling are proof it still does.

She turns her head to start kissing along my collarbone and throat; her kisses are wet, warm and a little bit frantic. The hand I kept on her breast hasn't stopped moving, and the one near her pussy is inching closer and closer to her entrance.

"Sookie, honey, I want you so badly." I emphasize my point by grinding my erection against her back. "If we start this, I'm not going to want to stop. You have to tell me you're okay with this, Sweetcheeks."

She turns her body slightly so that she can look me in the eyes. "I'm more than okay with this, baby. So much more than okay, as long as you're sure _you_ are."

I don't bother with words. I simply crash my lips to hers to show her _just_ how okay with this I really am. When we break to breathe, I whisper in her ear "I'm never going to let you go, my Sookie, never, ever again. If we do this, there's no going back, honey. You know this, right?"

"I know, baby, I know. Please, baby, I don't ever want to be without you again." She begins to laugh, "It fucking sucked without you."

I would have to agree with that, but instead of voicing my thoughts, I simply kiss her again as I begin circling her clit with my fingers. She's moaning and wiggling against me just from this simplest touch and if she doesn't come soon, I might just come before her. I haven't come from dry humping someone since I was a kid, and that was before Sook and I slept together the first time, but the way she feels grinding up against my painfully hard cock is going to drive me over the edge soon.

I continue playing with her perfect breasts, as I shift the hand that's playing with that glorious pussy. I run two fingers along her folds, parting them gently before sliding them inside her.

"Fuck, Sookie," I groan. "You're so fucking tight. How can you still be so fucking tight, baby?"

My breathing picks up as I begin sliding my fingers in and out of her slowly, relishing in the fact that she feels as tight as she did when we were kids. Fucking my wife was like fucking a warm glass of water – and I have a _huge_ cock. The sad part is I can't even blame it on her having the boys because they were born by caesarian section – she just has a loose pussy.

I curl my fingers up inside her, searching for that spot I was always able to find within her – that one that makes her scream. I know I've found it when her body tenses and she lets out a long, loud, guttural moan.

The more I rub that spot, the more she moans and writhes against me. "Jesus fuck, Sook," I moan. "You're gonna make me come if you keep that up." Between the tightness in her pussy, and the way she's rubbing against me – I'm going to fucking lose it soon.

_I need her to come, like now. _ I redouble my efforts and begin pumping in and out of her faster while using my thumb to rub her clit hard and fast; I haven't stopped the assault on her breasts, either. I begin kissing, licking and gently biting her neck as I bring her closer and closer to her finish. She's moaning near constantly and I can feel her walls beginning to spasm around my fingers.

I nip her ear gently and whisper against it, "Come for my, my beautiful girl. Show me how good I make your tight pussy feel."

That does it. With a scream, her whole body stiffens and her walls clamp down on my fingers so hard for a moment, I'm honestly scared she'll break them. I hold her tightly and continue to pump in and out of her as she rides out her orgasm. She's breathing hard, but thankfully no longer rubbing against me; as much as I want to come right now, I don't want to do it against her back and simply from her rubbing up against me.

When her walls are just barely still fluttering, I remove my fingers and kiss her neck softly.

"You're so gorgeous when you come for me, Lover. I've missed watching you scream for me as I make your tight pussy come hard." My words are only making the ache in my dick worse, but I can't seem to resist.

"Only for you, Eric," she pants. "I've only ever come that hard for you."

_That fucking does it! I need her, and an orgasm or ten, now._

"Sookie, I need you, my lover," I kiss her neck again before standing and exiting the tub. I grab a towel to dry us off with and offer her my hand to assist her in getting out; I'm floored when she shakes her head no at me.

I cock an eyebrow at her in question. Her response is to crook her finger at me, beckoning me to come to her. _Who am I to deny this gorgeous girl?_ I step forward just as my Sookie gets onto her knees in the tub.

_Dear God, please…please let this woman be planning to suck me off. I'll never ask for anything again. Just, please. _

Apparently God is in the mood to grant wishes today, because Sookie grabs my rock hard cock firmly around the base and sucks the tip into her hot mouth.

I groan, loudly, at the sensation – it's almost enough to make me come right then as she sucks hard but still manages to swirl her tongue around the head at the same time.

"Ungh, Lover, you've learned some new skills." I grab her head gently, and work to gather her hair into something I can easily hold onto.

When she removes my dick from her mouth, I honestly let out a sob-type noise. "You like that, baby? You like the way I suck the head of your huge, hard cock?" All I can do is nod. "Would you like me to suck more of your cock, Eric?"

When I nod at her again she removes her hand from me, causing another sob noise to escape me. "Tsk, tsk, Eric. I need to hear you say it," she clucks her tongue at me. "Tell me what you want me to do to you."

"Fuck, you've changed in the best possible way! Suck my hard cock, my beautiful Sookie, make me come hard for you." I run the backs of my fingers over her cheekbone gently, "Make me come screaming your name, Lover, remind me of what I've missed all these years."

Sookie takes hold of my cock again and descends upon it like she's starving for it. In one motion I'm taken almost all the way into her mouth; no one's ever had me this deep before – not even her.

"Jesus FUCK! Sookie, oh my god, ungh!" I yell, yes yell, at the ceiling – nearly blowing my load.

Her laughter causes a humming around my dick that makes me moan loudly and causes my hips to thrust forward. I don't want to choke my girl, but I can't fucking control it. This feels so damn good, my hips have a mind of their own.

Now I'd like to be able to tell you that I'm a master of self control and am able to let her suck my cock for hours. _But I can't._ Yeah, she hasn't even been sucking me off for five minutes and I'm ready to blow. I'm moaning near constantly, my hips pumping to fuck her hot little mouth while trying not to choke her.

I can feel the tingling in my balls starting and know I'm not going to be able to hold out much longer. She must sense this too, because next thing I know she grabs my hips firmly, stilling my movements, and takes me all the way down her throat.

"Ungh, ohhhh…Sookie!" I shout again. When I feel her rubbing her tongue along the base of my cock I fucking lose it. I come harder than I can ever remember, shouting her name and praises to God, heaven, Buddha and any other deity out there. Hell, I come so hard I see stars and damn near fall on my ass.

God bless this woman! She swallows every drop I give her, moaning with pleasure the whole time. When the spasms have finally stopped and the _river_ of come has dried up, she proceeds to lick me completely clean.

I'm in fucking awe of this woman. "Sookie, my beautiful, amazing, girl!" I exclaim as I pull her up out of the tub and back into my arms, where she belongs.

"Holy fuck, honey, that was amazing." Shit, up until tonight, she gave the best blowjobs of my life but she just blew all previous ones right out of the water. I tell her so and of course she blushes as she laughs at my pun.

Her blush has my dick twitching again, so I quickly dry us off and sweep her up into my arms bridal style. I carry her to the bedroom just as her favorite song from back in the day begins to play.

I'm done ignoring the signs, and know as I carry this woman into the room to make love to her that I'll never be apart from her again.

"What Might Have Been" by Little Texas

Sure I think about you now and then  
>But it's been a long long time<br>I've got a good life now I've moved on  
>So when you cross my mind<p>

I try not to think about  
>What might have been<br>'Cause that was then  
>And we have taken different roads<br>We can't go back again  
>There's no use giving in<br>And there's no way to know  
>What might have been<p>

We could sit and talk about this all night long  
>And wonder why we didn't last<br>Yes they might be the best days  
>We will ever know<br>But we'll have to leave them in the past

So try not to think about  
>What might have been<br>'Cause that was then  
>And we have taken different roads<br>We can't go back again  
>There's no use giving in<br>And there's no way to know  
>What might have been<p>

That same old look in your eyes  
>It's a beautiful night<br>I'm so tempted to stay  
>But too much time has gone by<br>We should just say goodbye  
>And turn and walk away<p>

And try not to think about  
>What might have been<br>'Cause that was then  
>And we have taken different roads<br>We can't go back again  
>There's no use giving in<br>And there's no way to know  
>What might have been<p>

No we'll never know  
>What might have been<p>

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_**I promise this will be the last cliffy! Only one or two chapters left kiddies. While I could write this forever, I need to finish it so that my muses can get a break and get back to my other stories. I'm thinking of doing an outtake so that we can hear the conversation between Sookie and Izzy on their walk earlier tonight – but that will only happen if there's enough demand for it. **_

_**Let me know…**_

_**Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_


	9. Hungry

_**I'm truly sorry for the delay – real life really has been hectic for me, and I'm so sorry that it's taken so long for me to get back to this story. I'm nearing the end of my semester, but will finish this story within the week. There will be an epilogue chapter to tie things up and finish it off. Thanks for sticking with me!**_

_**I went back and changed the previous chapter which dealt with Eric and Felicia having unprotected sex – previously he'd considered wearing a condom from now on, thinking she'd try to trick him into pregnancy – Instead I now have it so that he was wearing them for months KNOWING that he needed to in order to prevent another baby – we don't want Sook and Eric giving each other anything, do we? **_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and Balti K for being allstar betas! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

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EPOV

I set my girl down on the bed and simply stare at her for a moment, taking in the sheer beauty of every inch of her. She's simply stunning and the song playing right now couldn't possibly fit this moment more. Listening to Winger sing "Hungry" certainly sums up what I'm feeling – I'm still fucking starving for this woman, even after our tub adventures.

Sookie finally realizes what's playing and she smiles broadly at me. "I still love this song, you know, just as much as I did then."

"I don't doubt that, Sweetcheeks, you fucking loved this song. I was so sick of this by the time we split up from you playing it a thousand times a day." I laugh at the memory. "The funny thing is I can't hear it now without smiling and thinking of you."

"Does that mean you actually like this song?" She puts her hand over her heart, "I don't know if I can stand the shock."

"Woman, you mock me at a time like this?" I growl at her moving to climb onto the bed but she puts up a hand to stop me.

"If you can stand it, and as corny as it will sound, I'd like you to put this song on repeat, please." I raise my eyebrow at her in question. I'll do it – hell, I'd do anything she asks at this point, but I'm curious as to why she's asking.

"This song always made me think of you, and it's only gotten worse since we split, Eric." She takes a deep breath and releases it slowly before continuing, "I feel like I've been starving without you all these years…"

I can't help but to finish her sentence for her, "and if we're going to make love for the first time in twenty years, you want it to be to this song?" She nods. "The song that has reminded you of me and what we've been missing all this time…"

She smiles and thanks me for understanding her so well, even after all this time apart.

I cup her face with my hands, lowering my face so that I'm inches from her lips as I say passionately, "How could I not know you – no matter how much time passes? You're my soul mate, Sookie. You're the keeper of my heart." I kiss her tenderly, but briefly and continue, "I always thought you were my soul mate, even back then, but to still feel completely comfortable with you after all this time proves it. _You are my home_."

A single tear cascades down her cheek as I finish my declaration. I could tell her that I love her right now and it would be true; I've never stopped loving her. I hold my tongue however, because I want to fall in love with the adult version of Sookie before I say those words. I know it's just a matter of time though –it seems that everything that was not so great about my girl has faded with age, while the stuff that fucking rocked about her has only amplified. I lean in and press my lips to hers in a gesture of comfort and love.

The kiss quickly turns more passionate and if she wants me to put this song on repeat, I need to do it now or else it's never going to get done! I reluctantly break our kiss, remove myself from the bed, and go put the iPod on repeat. When I turn back around my knees buckle a little bit at the sight before me.

There is Sookie sitting at the edge of the bed, her feet resting on the foot board of the bed, legs spread with her fingers ghosting through her glistening folds.

_I swear my feet just became rooted to the floor. _ As much as I want to fuck her right now – the idea of watching her fuck herself is an unbelievable turn on.

Now that she knows she has my attention, she begins to slide her finger in and out of herself slowly. Every few strokes she removes her finger completely and runs it through her folds, pausing to rub her clit in a circular motion briefly before plunging it deep inside herself again.

This is, by far, the most erotic moment of my existence. _I wonder if every new experience with her will trump the previous one?_ My dick is aching with the need for release, but I'm still rooted in place watching this amazing creature. I bring my hand, which was previously frozen at my side, around to stroke my cock. Just as I grip it firmly, Sookie stops her movements.

"I don't remember telling you that you could touch yourself, big boy." She tsks me and my cock becomes impossibly harder.

"If you want me to continue letting you watch me pleasure myself, you must do exactly as I say, Eric. Can you be good for me?"

I squeeze my dick tightly before removing my hand; her sexy words, along with the dominance she's showing right now brings me very close to blowing my load. _How the fuck does this amazing little woman make me turn back into a virginal basket case that's likely to cum the minute a girl just looks at his cock? _

"Good boy, Eric. Now…watch me fuck myself," she purrs at me as she begins to play with her gorgeous pussy again.

_Watch her? Fuck. Me. As if I could do anything else right now?_

Once her moans begin, I'm forced to grip my thighs as I watch her finger her luscious cunt in order to keep from stroking myself. I can plainly see how wet she is and it's fucking killing me.

"Does it feel good, honey?" I rasp, my voice hoarse with need. She moans loudly and nods her head at me. "Are you imagining it's my hard cock sliding in and out of your tight, wet pussy?"

"Mmhmm, it feels _so_ good, baby." She brings her other hand down to join the party between her legs and uses it to rub her clit slowly, while continuing to fuck herself with her fingers.

"Sookie, honey, you're making my dick hurt. Do you see how hard you make me?" My fingers are twitching against my thighs as I try desperately not to stroke my cock. "I want you _so_ fucking badly, Sook."

"Don't you want to watch me fuck myself anymore, baby?" she purrs at me with hooded eyes.

"Honey, there's nothing I _want_ more than to watch you finger that perfect pussy, but what I _need_ is to fuck you with my thick, hard cock." I'm already taking a step towards her as I finish speaking; I know I can't wait much longer, no matter how hot she is right now.

"Then come get me, Big Boy," she purrs at me.

_I don't need to be told twice!_

I walk up to her and drop to my knees; as much as I want to fuck her senseless right now, I _need_ to taste her first. I gently spread her legs just a little further and take in the beautiful buffet that's laid out before me.

"Decided to take a detour, did you?" she giggles at me as she reaches out to stroke my cheek gently.

"Well, I am _awful hungry_…" I know she gets the pun when she barks out a huge laugh. That laugh is quickly silenced when I lean in and lick her from the base of her sweet pussy up to her clit.

I can't help but moan at her taste; she's fucking amazing! "Jesus, Sook, how do you taste this fucking good? It's even better than I remember, and that's saying something!"

My eyes never leave hers as I descend on her pussy again. I tease her clit, alternating between flicking it with my tongue and sucking it into my mouth. Once she's writhing on the bed, I flatten out my tongue and lick her from the base of her opening all the way up. I linger there at her clit again, teasing the hell out of her, only to repeat the process. She's a hot mess right now, and I want to explode just knowing that _I'm_ the one doing this to her. It's _me_ that has her so worked up she's moaning near constantly and thrashing about.

"Eric, oh God, please!" she whimpers.

"Please what, my lover?" I ask as I blow my breath over her engorged clit, causing her to moan as she thrusts her hips upwards seeking more friction.

"I…I need more, baby, please! Ungh. More, now, please!"

_Yes ma'am!_

As much as I want to finish her with my mouth again, I cannot wait another second to be buried deep within her. I crawl back up her body, kissing and tasting every inch I can along the way – just because I need to fuck her NOW doesn't mean I have to waste a good meal along the way!

I reach her lips and kiss her for all I'm worth, edging her backwards as I do. I grab her by her ass and lift her hips so that they're resting on my thighs, keeping her so she's sitting up and still able to kiss me with those perfect lips of hers. I struggle a little to get us further up on the bed, but hey – sex isn't always as neat and easy as it seems in the movies – but that's what makes it absolutely perfect in my book!

As I'm scooting her back, I can't help but think about how surreal this moment is. Mine and Sookie's relationship has been anything but neat and easy! It's been messy, complicated, filled with joy, heartbreaking, and all sorts of fucked up for as long as I can remember. There was absolutely fucking nothing about us that was 'story book' in any way, shape or form.

_I wouldn't trade one single second of any of it either._ Not when it's all led up to this exact moment. Here. Now. Now we are living the 'story book' moment – now we are the fairy tale couple. _And I couldn't be happier._

I settle her so that her head it resting on one of the many ridiculously soft and fluffy pillows on the bed, never breaking our kiss. I kiss her passionately for a few more moments as I settle us into position; I am nestled between her gorgeous thighs as I break our kiss finally and lock eyes with her.

I cradle her face gently in both my hands, gathering the strength to say what needs to be said. "I've never stopped loving you, Sookie. Never. I love you as much today as I did the day we split twenty years ago." Her eyes fill with unshed tears as I make my declaration to her. "I'm never going to let you go again, not for any reason."

A few tears escape as she swallows hard; I wipe them away with the pads of my thumbs. "I don't want to be without you ever again either, Eric. I've waited so long to have you in my arms again." She hugs me tighter around my waist as she speaks.

"Things are going to be messed up in my world for a while, you understand this, right?" She nods her understanding and I continue, "I might not know exactly where I'll be living or what's going to happen over the next few months – but I do know that I can't have you leave California. I can't live with you yet because of my boys, even though I'd move you in today if it were possible."

"I know you would, and I'd say yes without question, but we have to make sure the boys are alright. They've been through enough and I don't imagine _Fifi_ will go without a fight." She's probably not wrong about that as my soon to be ex-wife is an asshole.

"Will you be patient with me, honey? I need to know that you can wait while I sort out the clusterfuck that is my life right now before we do this. I look forward to falling in love with the new you, I look forward to building a relationship with you and having you be a part of my family. _Please_ tell me you want all those things too."

I don't mean to sound like an insecure teenage girl at this moment, but there's _no fucking way_ I can have sex with Sookie right now and then have her call it quits again in a couple months. I barely dealt with that twenty years ago – I can't put my boys through the emotional black hole I'd be today if it happened again. No matter what I want out of life, their safety and security have to come first, without question.

"Eric, I'd be so much more than honored to be part of your family. I have no doubts I'll love those boys as my own, and only hope they'll come to love me half as much." She takes a deep breath, seemingly pausing to figure out what to say next.

I can't tell you what it does to my heart to hear her say she'll love my boys. I already know by their prior interactions that if given the chance Liam and Alex will fall head over heels in love with her, but I'm thrilled to know for certain that she feels the same.

"I've never stopped loving you either, baby. I've thought about you every day, always wondering if you missed me like I missed you. Seeing you with those boys, knowing that you're the man I always knew was hiding under that dumbass party boy front you were back then makes me happier than I can say. I'll never be able to be without you again."

All through our talk I've been rubbing my still rock hard cock against her _extremely_ wet pussy. Hey, I may need to clear the air and make sure we're on the same page, but I _fucking want_ this woman, what can I say? I can't stand the distance between our lips for one more second more and crush my lips to hers. We kiss passionately for several minutes while our hands explore every inch of skin we can reach.

When I finally pull back, partly for breath and partly to finish what I need to say, she whimpers at the loss of my lips. I'm still grinding against her, causing both of us to moan every so often, but I don't think I could stop my hips from moving with a vice grip.

"Sookie, honey, I will divorce Felicia the moment it's possible and I need to know for certain that you are planning on divorcing Bill." My plans won't work otherwise.

She assures me that she'll be filing for divorce as early as tomorrow if it's possible. Now I have the courage to finish my speech.

"I'll give you anything and everything you've ever wanted, Sweetcheeks, if you'll promise to stay with me always. I'll marry you, give you children of your own, anything you want. If we can't have kids, we'll adopt. Hell, I'll even move back home if you really want; I'm sure we could get the boys to agree. Just stay with me this time, and promise to talk to me when something is up because we can't do the crazy this time with kids in the picture."

She tears up again and I'm silently willing them not to spill over. "Eric, I promise, with all that I am, I'm yours again – always."

_That's all I needed to hear!_

As I crash my lips to hers again, I angle my hips and push forward so that the head of my massive erection is finally nestled inside her tight heaven, causing us both to gasp at the sensation.

She pushes against my chest as she exclaims, "Eric! I'm not on the pill, and your wife is cheating! Honey, we should use a condom!"

I shush her as I slide into her further and kiss her before explaining why this is okay. "Honey, I've been wearing condoms with my wife for many months as I knew she was trying to trap me into having another baby that I have no interest in parenting." Her face falls a bit and it takes only a second to realize that she's thinking I was just lying to her about having more kids.

"Sookie," I pause, making sure she's looking me in the eyes before continuing. "I didn't want to have another child with _her_. Felicia was and is a shitty mother who only cares about herself, which you witnessed with your own eyes. I would _love_ to have more kids if it's with _you_, in any way we can." I push further until I'm fully sheathed within her.

I have to still all movements and thoughts for a moment; not only to savor the nirvana that is surrounding me, but to make sure that I don't explode in her like a virgin sliding home for the first time.

I kiss her passionately as I start to move within her slowly. "Sookie, my beautiful girl, I don't care that you aren't on the pill. We've wasted too many years apart and while I wouldn't trade my boys for anything in the world, I've wished many times that they were yours. If we by some miracle got pregnant tonight, I'd be the happiest man on earth!"

She raises her head, slamming her lips to mine; at this rate both of our lips will be purple by morning, but I couldn't care less! We speak no more of the future or the state of our relationship; we've waited so long to feel each other this way again, nothing is going to get in the way of this moment – even if it's planning our future.

For a while our moments are unhurried and very sweet; this is exactly what making love should feel like. Soon though, the passion has built to the point where neither one of us can stand the slow and romantic pace anymore!

I sit back on my heels, bringing Sookie's hips with me so that her ass is resting on my thighs again. I make sure to pull her up so that she's sitting up on me as I pound into her at a much faster pace. With our height difference I'm easily able to suck on my two favorite toys, which is perfect in my world! The other glorious thing is that with this change in angles, I'm hitting my lover's G-spot on every stroke, causing her to scream out in accordance with our rhythm. In a matter of moments she's coming all over my cock, bringing me dangerously close to blowing my load from the milking she's giving me internally.

"Holy fuck! Sookie, you feel so fucking good gripping my cock like that when you come undone for me," I manage to rasp out. "Only for me. Tell me you'll only cum like that, hard like that, for me!"

I flip us over so that she can straddle me; nobody has ever ridden my cock the way she has, and the sex is so fucking much better now than twenty years ago. I'm almost trembling with anticipation.

She begins to ride me slowly, moaning out her promise. "Only for you, baby. Always, only for you. Nobody else makes my pussy feel this fucking good. Your cock was made for me, baby."

I'm lost. I'm totally fucking speechless between her moments and her sexy words. She begins to ride me with a little more abandon, moving faster and harder than she was before. All I'm able to do is grunt, groan and hold onto her hips for dear life. Every single ounce of self control I've ever possessed goes into not exploding inside her pussy at this moment.

I used to pride myself on stamina. Then Sookie fucking Stackhouse came back into my life with her magic vagina; now I'm reduced to a teenager all over again, just hoping to last more than five minutes. Well, could be worse I guess, at least my rebound time has reverted to teendom as well…

Sook leans forward as she rides me, bracing her hands on my chest. Her head is thrown back and the moans escaping her are making me _crazy_! "Oh God, Eric! So good. So. Fucking. Good!" She snaps her head forward and looks right into my eyes. "I'm so fucking close to coming on that perfect cock again, baby."

"Oh Christ! You make me want to cum so fucking bad, Sookie!" I start doing fucking multiplication tables in my head to keep from losing it.

"Your cock is so hard, baby. So long and thick. It feels so fucking perfect sliding in and out of me! I love the way you fill me up and hit my cum-o-matic button so easily."

I'm dying laughing at the cum-o-matic comment! Only my girl could simultaneously make me want to blow my load and laugh my ass off, and I love her just a little more for it.

I can feel her walls begin to flutter around my cock, signaling that her orgasm is not far off. I can promise you, there's no fucking way I'll be able to hold back this time! Not even thinking about the trick poodle and Mr. Ed will hold off my orgasm this time! She's moaning and letting out small screams as she slams herself up and down on my dick.

The closer her orgasm gets, the more erratic her moments get. I can't stand it; I need to cum so fucking bad! I grasp her hips hard enough that I'm sure I'll leave bruises as I guide her over my cock, ensuring that I'll be able to finish with her. Our noises heat up, as does our speed. So. Fucking. Close.

"Sookie, honey, I can't fucking hold out anymore. Please, come with me," I beg as I remove one hand from her hip and bring it between us to her clit. One firm pinch to her nerve bundle and she's gripping my cock like a vice. She throws her head back and screams as her orgasm rips through her, her muscles pulling me in tighter as they milk me for all I'm worth. Two more hard thrusts and I'm coming right along with her, roaring her name as I do.

The pulsing of my dick within her causes her to orgasm again, which only serves to prolong mine. It is hands down (or dick up, depending on how you want to look at it) the best fucking orgasm of my life!

My beautiful girl collapses on top of me as her aftershocks fade and I wrap my arms around her, crushing her to me. Aside from the birth of my boys, nothing has ever felt so right. We lie there for a while, my dick softening within her, just holding one another.

I've been so lost for so long and I never really realized it until this moment. While my boys are the best thing to ever happen to me, I never really understood how much of my soul I've been missing since Sookie and I split up. I'm finally whole again and have no intention of ever letting this relationship fail again.

As always, my girl seems to be psychically connected to me. "You're stuck with me, Northman. I can't fucking believe I actually found you!" She pauses to kiss my chest. "I never, _in a million years_, pictured our reunion happening the way it did. As strange as it's been, I wouldn't trade a second."

"I could have done without Mr. Ed's tail! That shit will give me nightmares for fucking decades!" I can't help but shudder, even though she's laughing at me.

The shudder however, causes the most delicious sensation since I'm still sheathed within her. Her laughter ends abruptly as I begin to harden once more.

"Holy shit, Eric! Again, really?" Thankfully she doesn't look as horrified as she sounds.

"I've waited twenty fucking years to have my dick inside this pussy again. Fuck. Yes. Again! Now, woman!" I punctuate my statement with a trust of my hips, causing her to let out a low moan.

oooOOOooo

Six hours later, as I'm lying there with my Sookie wrapped up in my arms like my own personal security blanket, I'm struck with how perfect this night has really been.

Who the fuck would have guessed that finding my wife role playing with a very furry pony would have been the happiest night of my life since the birth of the boys? What a strange and wonderfully fucked up plan the universe has for us sometimes!

I had my future wife five more times vaginally tonight and finally got to fuck her anally for the first time. That in itself was a dream come true, as she was never willing to do that as a kid. We fucked and made love in every position, on every flat surface in this suite – including several walls. I've never been more sexually sated, yet simultaneously starving, before.

_I don't think I'll ever get enough of this woman, and nothing could make me happier. _

We shut the music off after the second round; no matter how much you love a song – you can only hear it so many times before wanting to claw your eyes out. While that 80's jam reminded me of Sookie before, I promise you that I'll never hear it again without getting a hard on from remembering tonight.

I squeeze her just a little more tightly thinking of all this woman has meant to me in my past, and what I'm sure she'll come to mean in the future. We'd agreed to go to dinner together at my mom's tomorrow. Liam and Alex need to spend some time with Sookie since I'm not letting her go any time soon… or ever. She was a bit apprehensive about it when I first insisted, but she promised me we'd stick together on everything so we're going to face tomorrow together.

Every day after tomorrow too – it's me and her against the world again.

I kiss her shoulder softly as I snuggle impossibly closer to her. "I love you, Sookie." I whisper in her ear.

She sighs as she pushes back against me. "I love you too, baby. Always have, always will."

All is right in my world again.

Finally.

"Hungry" by Winger

I hear the ticking on the clock,

counting every day I've been alone  
>How long before you're comin' back<br>If I don't see your face I'll turn to stone

Can't keep holding on this way, can't go on another day  
>Can't you hear me when I say, girl I'm<p>

Chorus:  
>Hungry for your love, girl I'm hungry, baby let me in<br>Hungry for your love, hungry, I can't get enough

Your love's the color of my heart  
>When I look in your eyes everything's so clear<br>So still together when we're apart  
>I begin to die unless you're here<br>I can't keep holding on this way, I can't go on another day

Can't you hear me when I say, girl I'm 

Chorus

I lie awake all night, I can't stop remembering  
>You've got to make it right, I can't hold it in <p>

Hungry!

I hear the ticking on the clock, counting every day I've been alone - hungry  
>I'm hungry for your love, girl I'm hungry, I can't let go<br>Hungry for your skin, hungry, baby let me in  
>Hungry for your love, hungry, hungry for your<p>

Hungry!

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_**So, epilogue to come within the week. As far at BTS and Revelry, I've not forgotten them – not by a long shot. I will be getting back to them in just a few short weeks. I just need to finish the end of the semester garbage. **_

_**Personal experience note… for any of my younger readers – finish college before the husband and kids if possible, it makes life much easier when all you're responsible for is you. RL is hard enough then, when you get older and throw in kids and spouses, WOW! Just sayin', lol.**_

_**Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_


	10. The Epilogue

_**This chapter features two songs, and you'll see why as you read through this epilogue. Thanks for sticking with me on this journey – sorry I got sidetracked by RL and the story was slow going at the end. **_

_**Thanks to MissyDee and Balti K for being all-star betas! Even when they didn't actually have time to beta, they were both ALWAYS available for plot advice and to bounce ideas off! You ladies are the absolute best! **_

_**Disclaimer – I don't own any of these characters, Charlaine Harris does… and she's a lucky, lucky gal.**_

_**See you at the end…**_

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EPOV

It's our five year anniversary today, and my beautiful Sookie is due for our triplets today. Oh yeah, I said _triplets_. Naturally fucking conceived triplets. Yup, I'm _the man_! Of course, Sook had a little something to do with it too, but I'm a dude – one who already has twins, so of course I have to take credit for _triplets_! Turns out that Sookie was nowhere near infertile, seeing as this will make six kids of our own once these three make it into the world.

Eight kids total when these little ones get here… most would say we're crazy for having that many kids. Then again, most don't know what we went through to get here. Truth be told, if we were younger, we'd have a dozen or more of our own.

Alas, Sookie and I are forty-three now and have decided that she will get her tubes tied after she gives birth – immediately after. We can't take any more chances with the health of my wife or our children simply because we want a larger family. We can adopt or even try surrogacy if need be, but we agree that the risks are simply too great for us to bear any more children naturally.

We are very fortunate, given our ages, that all of the pregnancies have gone well and that none of the children (knock on wood for the newest ones) have had any of the challenges that can occur when people have kids later in life. Not to say that we wouldn't have loved our kids if they had Down's Syndrome, because we certainly would have, but we are of course more than thankful that we have not had to deal with it. No one chooses to have a special needs child, no matter how much you love them once they're here.

I watch my wife wander about the house looking horridly uncomfortable, though she never utters a word of complaint. With each pregnancy she never bitched, not once. I figured it would come eventually with our daughter Missy, because she was so fucking sick while carrying her but it never did. I asked her towards the end of the pregnancy why and her response was simple, yet wonderful.

"Eric, the fact that we are back together is a miracle in itself; the fact that we got pregnant that first night in the hotel room is extraordinary, and the fact that I'm your wife is beyond words. What in the fuck could I possibly complain about, no matter how sick I am?"

I never asked her about it again. There was no need because I understood completely. Six years ago we were both miserable with our lives and in unhappy marriages, today we are the most sickeningly happy couple and family. Our single friends, and our married ones for that matter, always give us shit about how "disgustingly happy" we are, though neither of us could give two fucks. We fucking deserve it after all we went through to get here.

We really did get pregnant during one of our many sexual encounters that night, or maybe it was during one of the eight rounds the following day that did it, but either way it was within that twenty-four hours. Six weeks later we found out that we were expecting. We were shocked, needless to say, but thrilled instantly. Even the boys were ecstatic; not only for the new sibling, but that it meant "the cookie lady" was a permanent fixture in our lives.

They fell in love with her the first day they met her, and will now admit at almost seventeen years old that Sookie was a better mom on day one to them than Felicia had ever been. We went to my mother's for dinner the night after our stay at Sookie's hotel room and by the end of dinner the boys had pulled me aside to tell me that if I let Sookie get away, they'd run away to live with her. Apparently my boys thought Sook was the "cat's ass" from the minute they met her and had _no_ intentions of ever living without her after that night.

_I knew the feeling._

Fifi was our only dark spot in all this. Two weeks after finding out that Sookie and I were pregnant and that she wasn't going to get anything other than the house out of the divorce, she drove herself off a cliff, ending her life. I never took the boys to the crash site, not that they wanted to go, and I can only hope that she was dead on impact and didn't suffer. The wreckage was horrendous; the car exploded on impact with the rocks below, the car was simply a twisted and molten heap of metal at the bottom of a ravine. While I might not have loved my wife, I still ache for her that she won't see our sons grow into the amazing men I know they'll be. Hell, they're the coolest teenage boys I've ever met so I have no doubts they'll be the most wonderful adults. While the boys knew their mom was never going to win any parenting awards, all kids still love their moms, so we had a rough go of it for a while. That was years ago and thankfully the sting has worn off for all of us.

When Felicia and I first split, the boys and I opted to move into my mother's house until the divorce was finalized and we knew what the next step was. The boys had decided that we needed a fresh start, mostly because they didn't want 'Cookie' to live in their mother's old home, which I found to be an amazing revelation for two ten year olds, so we had already given the house to Felicia in the divorce agreement I was trying to reach. When she died, we decided to sell the house and never look back.

We had started looking for a home for me, Sook, and the boys once we found out we were pregnant. Once Felicia had died we discovered that she had been keeping a very large secret from me for many, many years. My dead wife was _fucking loaded_. Like scary rich! As it turns out, she had inherited over _twenty million dollars_ from her grandmother when she passed away. Felicia's parents had died before I met her, and apparently had willed the money to her grandmother until Felicia's children were of age, so when her granny died the money all went to Felicia. I can't fucking believe she never told me.

I didn't want the money at first, but Sookie and the boys convinced me that we could get a really nice place that we'd grow into if we were able to have more kids, plus it would secure college funds for any and all of our children. Needless to say, I kept the money. We bought a HUGE home; ten bedrooms, five baths, in-ground pool that looks more like an oasis (complete with pool house), plus a guest house AND an apartment over the garage. It's fucking crazy! Though, since we seem to be growing our own sports team inside my wife these last few years, I guess it was a great purchase. I never would have dreamed that I'd spend over two million on a house but with the sale of my old one, plus the money from the sale of Sookie's properties and inheritance from Bill passing away the month after Felicia died, it cost us nothing. We were both extremely wealthy in our own rights prior to Sookie's writing career taking off. Considering she is the proud author of three novels, each of which topped all the best seller's charts, we are rich beyond our wildest dreams.

Sookie and I were married on September 26th, 2012 in a very small ceremony in the backyard of our home. It was the twentieth anniversary of our original wedding date, and while many might find it odd that we would choose something from our 'checkered' past, we found that it was the only date we could possibly consider. It signified that we had come full circle and could finally start OUR forever. We had been back together for only six months when we married, but that didn't faze us or those closest to us at all and we never did care much for what others thought of us. Felicia had only been dead for roughly three months at the time, but that too didn't matter to our little family. All we wanted was to be happy.

Since the wedding was so informal and private, we opted to get married in casual clothes. I wore cargo shorts, flip flops and a form fitting tank top, while my Sweetcheeks wore a simple white dress that was covered in little red cherries (showcasing her ample breasts to perfection) and jeweled red flip flops. She was simply edible! The boys were in attendance of course, along with our immediate families. We chose not to include any friends from our past other than Amelia and Tray, simply because this was the beginning of our future and not our past. Our yard was done up in hundreds of twinkle lights, thanks to my boys who I'm sure are part monkey, and the flowers that were landscaped about made it look like heaven when we said our vows as the sun set. The reception was held right there and happened right after we completed the ceremony. There is an enormous gazebo in the center of the 'garden' part of our yard, so we simply had the caterer serve our food in there. We danced our first dance as husband and wife to "I'll Still Be Loving You," by Restless Heart, and while I know it's not our typical 80's hairband thing, it was and will always be perfect for us.

It was simple, intimate and completely perfect. Just like everything else with this amazing woman.

Our daughter was born on Sookie's birthday, New Year's Eve, so that was a wild surprise seeing as she was due two weeks prior to that and I've never been so excited to meet anyone in my life. We knew she was going to be a girl and had her name picked out months ago. Missy Deanna Northman was born at a whopping nine pounds, six ounces after twenty-one hours of hard labor. I have never been more impressed by, or proud of, anyone as I was of Sookie that day. She was amazing.

The boys instantly fell in love with their little sister, and actually had the nerve to bitch that there was only one and they had to share her. You can imagine their glee when we discovered only seven months later that we were expecting again, with twins this time. Sookie had had a fall at one of her book signings when a fan got a little over zealous and knocked her down accidentally. She ended up having to stay overnight due to a concussion and unexpected bleeding from her 'nether regions' as she puts it. As it turns out, the fall had jarred the babies so she had to be on bed rest for about a month but was fine after that. The babies were fraternal twins giving us Kaylee Rose and Shawn Christopher who were born healthy and with all their digits and each weighed just over six pounds, which is a very good weight for twins, especially given the rough start.

I'm drawn out of my reverie when my gorgeous wife yells, "That's it, Northman! I'm fucking sick of being pregnant, I know I shouldn't complain and I'm not – really… but damnit three babies in one body my size is too fucking much!" I want to laugh at her seeing as she's standing there poking her stomach and bitching to the babies to come the fuck out NOW! If I didn't fear for my life at this moment, I might have actually laughed, but seeing as how she's never bitched once through the better part of three pregnancies, I think I'll not, thanks.

"Honey," I don't get farther than one word before she jumps down my throat.

"Don't _honey_ me, mister! Now, you get your giant, Viking ass in that bedroom and fuck me until the babies want to come out!" With that she stalks off down the hallway towards our bedroom.

Thank god the boys are at school and my mother has our other children at the moment, or I'd fear that this little gem of a conversation would damage them!

"You coming or not?" she yells from our room.

Romantic she is not at the moment but given the situation, as well as her current mood, I'll let it slide.

Before heading back to our room I turn on the music system, making sure it will play all throughout the house. I slip in the romance cd and head back to my waiting wife.

As I enter the room I'm nearly knocked to my knees at the sight before me. There is my _very_ pregnant wife on all fours at the end of our bed, ass in the air, naked as the day she was born. I've never seen a more beautiful sight.

I quickly rid myself of my clothes and drop to my knees behind her. Realistically, giving oral at this stage in a pregnancy is risky business what with the threat of her water breaking at any time and all that, but given her mood I'm willing to risk it. I give her several quick, but thorough, licks making sure that she is properly primed before we get going.

Once I'm sure she is ready I rise to my feet and position my rock hard cock at her entrance. I whisper words of love and devotion to my wife as I push inside her slowly. I grasp her hips gently, not wanting to hurt her or the babies, as I move in and out of her at a deliberate pace. When Sookie begins to cry I'm petrified that I've hurt her, but she assures me that she's just overwhelmed with everything and that the music isn't helping at the moment.

At first I feel guilty for turning on the sappy music and tell her so, but when she asks me to really listen to the song, I understand. "Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams is a song that means the world to us; while it's not one that was from our 'original era,' it is one that we've both listened to countless times since its release, especially now. It does still feel like the first time, every time we make love. I can _never_ get close enough to her, nor her to me. This song just embodies _us_.

She apologizes for her behavior and then cries harder because she feels guilty about insulting the babies. I try to pull out of her in order to comfort her, but Mrs. Hyde comes back and nearly rips my face off. Note to self: removing hard cock from pregnant woman's pussy is bad! Got it!

I get her to calm down by assuring her of my undying love, the never ending love of our kids, and of course, my _never leaving this pussy again_, rock hard cock. We continue to move slowly and gently until we both reach our ends. She comes hard around my cock, screaming my name and damn near making me lose it inside her. Luckily I'm able to maintain enough control to pull out once her aftershocks have stopped and cum with a roar all over her ass and back. Not only is it a glorious sight, but the thought of leaving my jizz in her birth canal so close to when they might come makes me a little sick.

I head to the bathroom to grab a couple warm wash cloths to clean us both up with. When I come back and start cleaning her off I can tell by the sounds coming from her that she's having contractions.

"Mission is a go I think, baby. This shit hurts!" I'm just waiting for her to start blaming me for fucking her and making her contractions start, but such is the life when you're expecting!

I clean myself up quickly before helping her into a standing position. The moment she's upright, there is a splash of liquid that hits my feet and legs. _No shit_! Her water just broke!

We rush into the shower and both hose off quickly, and then scurry around like maniacs getting ready to head to the hospital. By the time we're out of the house her contractions are five minutes apart and she's one unhappy camper.

Thankfully it's only a ten minute drive to the hospital, especially with the way I drive, and we're able to get her there in plenty of time. We are rushed up to the delivery room and just four short hours later, the last of our children are born.

First came Michael Edward at five pounds six ounces, then came Brian Thomas at five pounds two ounces and lastly came Rachel Theresa at a tiny four pounds eleven ounces. Thankfully all babies are perfectly healthy and have all their digits. I'm bawling like a girl the whole time, just like I have at every other birth, and I'm perfectly sublime in this.

We take the first few hours after the birth to bond just us; as much as we love our other kids and our parents – we need just a little time for the five of us before the rest of the world sets in. Once we're ready for visitors, my mom brings the rest of our brood into the room. The boys are amazed at how tiny they all are, as am I, and the rest of the kids are just in awe that they are big brothers and sisters again.

As I watch my oldest sons hold my newest sons I'm struck with how perfect my life really is. Sometimes fate works in the most astonishing ways – here I am, married to the love of my life with the most amazing family surrounding me. I have absolutely everything I could ever want in this world, and couldn't be more grateful to God and the universe.

Who knew that a late night phone call five and a half years ago would lead me to the place I'm at now?

oooOOOooo

"Please Forgive Me" by Bryan Adams

It still feels like our first night together  
>Feels like the first kiss<br>It's getting better baby  
>No one can better this<br>Still holding on  
>You're still the one<br>First time our eyes met  
>Same feeling I get<br>Only feels much stronger  
>I want to love you longer<br>Do you still turn the fire on?

So if you're feeling lonely, don't  
>You're the only one I'll ever want<br>I only want to make it good  
>So if I love you, a little more than I should<p>

Please forgive me, I know not what I do  
>Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you<br>Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through  
>Please forgive me, if I need you like I do<br>Please believe me, every word I say is true  
>Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you<p>

Still feels like our best times are together  
>Feels like the first touch<br>We're still getting closer baby  
>Can't get closer enough<br>Still holding on  
>You're still number one<br>I remember the smell of your skin  
>I remember everything<br>I remember all your moves  
>I remember you yeah<br>I remember the nights, you know I still do

So if you're feeling lonely, don't  
>You're the only one I'll ever want<br>I only want to make it good  
>So if I love you a little more than I should<p>

Please forgive me, I know not what I do  
>Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you<br>Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through  
>Please forgive me, if I need you like I do<br>Please believe me, every word I say is true  
>Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you<p>

The one thing I'm sure of  
>Is the way we make love<br>The one thing I depend on  
>Is for us to stay strong<br>With every word and every breath I'm praying  
>That's why I'm saying,<p>

Please forgive me, I know not what I do  
>Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you<br>Don't deny me, this pain I'm going through  
>Please forgive me, if I need you like I do<br>Babe believe it, every word I say is true  
>Please forgive me, if I can't stop loving you<br>No, believe me, I don't know what I do  
>Please forgive me, I can't stop loving you<p>

I can't stop, loving you

oooOOOooo

"I'll Still Be Loving You" by Restless Heart

Changin my life... with your love  
>has been so easy for you<br>And I'm amazed  
>Every day<br>And I'll need you...

Till all the mountains are valleys  
>and every ocean is dry<br>My love...

I'll be yours until the sun doesn't shine  
>Till time stands still<br>until the winds don't blow  
>When today is just a memory to me<br>I know...  
>I'll still be loving<br>I'll still be loving  
>You<br>I'll still be loving you

Never Before..  
>did I know<br>How loving someone could be  
>Now I can see<br>You and Me  
>For a lifetime<p>

Until the last moon is rising  
>you'll see the love in my eyes<br>My Love...

I'll be yours until the sun doesn't shine  
>Till time stands still<br>until the winds don't blow  
>When today is just a memory to me<br>I know...  
>I'll still be loving<br>I'll still be loving  
>You<p>

I'll be yours until the sun doesn't shine  
>Till time stands still<br>until the winds don't blow  
>When today is just a memory to me<br>I know...  
>I'll still be loving<br>I'll still be loving  
>You<p>

I'll still be loving you.  
>I'll still be loving..I'll still be loving you...<br>I'll still be loving..I'll still be loving you...  
>I'll still be loving..I'll still be loving you...<p>

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_**Love and hugs to all – thanks for taking this journey with me!**_

_**MY FIRST REALLY AND TRULY COMPLETE STORY! YAY, YAY, YAY! **_

_**As I said, I will most likely do an outtake for the walk that Izzy and our girl took, but it won't be in the next few days (at least I don't think so…)**_

_**I will finish Between the Sheets next, and then I will move back to Revelry (though Jason's been a bit rowdy in my head lately, so he may have to make an appearance). I'll be getting right on BTS in the next week or so.**_

_**Side note – in the process of writing this story, I was able to get in contact with 'my Eric' that this story is loosely based upon. I can tell you that nothing like this story will be taking place in our future – but it was a wonderful thing to be able to get closure on some things that have bothered both of us for many years. He is happily married and just had his first child, and I am married with a wonderful 6 year old. Life is good – and now we both feel much better about life since we both got to say all the things we've wanted to for so many years. It's really neat that some loves never fade, no matter how much time passes, even when you know you'll never be back together. We are both exactly where we should be and yet it makes us both so very happy to know we'll always love each other as much as we did back then. Love and life are funny things, aren't they?**_


	11. Outtake: Izzy and Sook's Walk

_**So, I recently became friends again with the real-life brother of the inspiration for this story. After re-reading this story (just to see how embarrassed I needed to be for the real-life events mixed in with fiction), I realized that I never provided the outtake for Sookie's walk with Izzy. I thought it was time, so here it is.**_

_**This is still a completed story, but I really wanted to give Sookie the chance to apologize to Isobel for her behavior as a teen. I think it's necessary for the two of them to have closure (and for you folks to be able to read it). Hope you enjoy.**_

_**This one is unbetaed due to time constraints. Any errors are my own, though I hope I caught them all.**_

_**Disclaimer – I still don't own the characters, but the story is all me.**_

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SPOV

Izzy and I leave the house just as Eric heads into the living room to tell the boys about his separation and impending divorce. I know I have nothing to do with this situation, really, but it doesn't make me feel any less guilty that his marriage is ending just as I re-enter the picture. I'll cop to being a lot of things, but a home wrecker is never something I have aspired to become.

"Okay, spill it, Sookie. What'd the poodle do this time to make my son finally leave her?"

"You aren't going to believe it, Izzy! Hell, if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, I wouldn't believe it!" Who the fuck could've seen something like that coming? I didn't know people actually did such messed up roll-playing in real life. _Ignorance really is bliss sometimes…_

So I launched into the story of getting the phone call, picking the boys up and the conversation on the way, how we found out about Charles (aka Mr. Ed) and walking into his house to find them playing giddyup. By the time I got to the part about the butt-plug tail, Izzy had to stop walking so she could laugh without falling over.

"Oh god! I always knew something wasn't right with her, but I never imagined this!" she forced out amongst her laughter. Seeing her bent over, grasping her knees, laughing hard enough that tears were rolling down her cheeks was an amazing sight. Isobel was never a bad person or mother, she was never mean to me back then either, but I'd never seen her so open and relaxed before. I'd never felt more horrible for how awful I was to her twenty years earlier than I was in that moment.

Once she regained her composure, we began walking again. We spoke briefly about what she'd been doing since I saw her last and how the rest of the family was doing. It was wonderful to hear how Eric's two brothers were doing; it'd been so long since I'd seen either of them. I hoped I'd get to see them as well before I left. _If_ I left. I couldn't imagine leaving again, but it was up to fate to decide what happens now.

"Why now, Sookie?" Izzy asked out of the blue. "Why look for my son after all this time? Not that I've ever been a huge fan of the poodle, but if you came looking for him just to break up his marriage, then I have to tell you you're an asshole. And I'd be horribly disappointed in you if you were _that girl_."

"No, I promise that has never been my intention. I would never want to break up a marriage or a family. I just had so much I wanted to say to him after all this time. I have so many regrets."

"Okay, I can understand that, but why wait twenty years to find him to apologize for shit you can't change now?" It was a valid question, and one I'd struggled with a lot before contacting him.

"It took me a long time after finding him to actually contact him, because I kept asking myself the same question. Why does it matter twenty years later? Would he even want to hear from me? Would I be messing up his life by contacting him? Did I really want to open up that can of worms? I'll tell you, I was a friggin mess for weeks trying to decide what to do!"

"What made you finally decide to do it then?"

"I had to meet with the publisher out here. How could I come to California for the first time and _not_ look him up? Plus, I decided that even if he never wanted to speak to me again, that maybe he'd want to know how bad I felt for some of the things that happened? No matter how much our lives have changed since we split, we really did love each other back then. I figured that I'd want to know if the tables were turned, so he probably would too.

"I had so much I wanted to tell him. God, I was such an irrational bitch to him back then! Not that I really think we would have made it long term, even if I hadn't been, but my shit certainly didn't help the longevity of our relationship. I was so demanding, controlling and unreasonable. I wouldn't let the poor guy do anything I didn't agree with or know about in advance; I was a nightmare. I was so insecure with myself and had so little control over my own world that I just had to have it somewhere, and like an asshole, I chose our relationship. It wasn't fair to him, or hell, me for that matter. We were too young to be so involved, but we truly loved one another. Our ages weren't on our side for a long term deal, but maybe we could've made it.

"Not to say that he was a picnic either, because he certainly wasn't. He was sneaky and he lied to me all the time, he made a fool of me when everyone in the school knew what he was really doing except me, he was overly critical of me sometimes, and on some occasions he really was just an asshole to me. Sometimes I absolutely earned his treatment of me, but sometimes I didn't. We were an epic mess back then. We were so much in love, but so damn toxic to one another. You know, there were times I wasn't sure either of us would survive that relationship."

She snorted loudly, "Fuck, Sookie. There were times I wasn't sure _I'd_ survive that relationship!" she quipped.

"God, I know, and I'm so sorry for any part I may have played in your illness back then! I feel just horrible about how I treated you, and how it must have felt to have Eric side with me so often over you. He spent every holiday at my house, ate dinner with my family most evenings, spent every free minute with me and basically only came home to sleep. I can't imagine what that must have felt like to you.

"I've thought of that often over the years, too, especially as I got older and wanted my own children. I can't imagine how that would hurt me as a mom. To feel like this teenage bitch is taking your youngest son from you? God, I was a horrible person for not spending more time at your house so you could see him more. Or so that you and I could bond more. Maybe if we'd spent more time with you, a lot of the shit that happened back then wouldn't have gone down. I'm so sorry for any hurt I caused you, or any damage I might have done to your relationship with Eric at the time. I truly, truly never meant to hurt him – or you."

"Thank you, Sookie. I'm glad you realize how hard it all was on me back then. Eric was my baby, and with both his brothers living out of the house he was all I had left. That relationship wasn't easy on any of us at the time, dear, but what's done is done. I'm glad you two have found each other again," she smiled genuinely. "But can I ask you something?"

"Of course you can, Izzy. Ask me anything."

"Why didn't you spend more time at my house? I was always very welcoming of you, but you never wanted to be around me."

I felt horrible at that moment. I really had never been fair with her. There were times I was truly ashamed of the person I'd been in my teens, and now was one of those times.

"I don't even know how to explain it, Izzy. There were several things that went into it at the time. The easiest to explain is the fact that my grandfather was an abusive bastard that hit me just because the sun rose daily. If I wasn't home, where he could 'keep an eye on me' then the ass-whoopings would have been considerably worse. He was absolutely convinced that I was going over to your house to 'be a little whore' and that I'd never dare sleep with Eric in his house. He was an ignorant asshole, because I only had sex with Eric in your house a couple times, but I was getting laid regularly in mine. So the easy part to answer is that I was terrified to get my ass kicked worse by spending too much time at your house.

"The harder part to answer is that I was jealous of his relationship with you. And yes, I'm well aware of what an asshole that makes me sound like today, as well as what an asshole I was for ever feeling that way in the first place. But the thought of sharing him with anyone was intolerable at the time. I grew up in a household where the three women in it were treated like pond scum and beaten for our troubles. We weren't valued or loved by the man in our lives. I had no idea what a normal, healthy, loving relationship should look like. Plus the fact that since I'd never been loved like that, I was terrified of it slipping away from me. Having someone love me as much as Eric did back then was a miracle to me. I had truly felt I was unlovable until him. Everyone wanted to have sex with me, but when I refused to put out, I was unworthy of their attention. Eric never treated me like that. Hell, my first time having sex was date rape, and the next guy was a colossal asswipe that tried to strangle me when I broke up with him. Eric was patient with me and didn't pressure me for sex. He loved me before he slept with me the first time; I didn't know how to be without him, so I couldn't share him with anyone.

"I can't apologize enough to you for how I behaved back then. You were kind and gracious to me, you were patient and let your son spend so much of those four years with me, and I was awful to you. And about you. You and your other two sons never deserved how I treated you at the time. I did everything to push him towards me and away from you guys, that all I did was end up permanently losing him.

"Even if Eric and I are only friends this time around, I'm still so grateful I got to tell him how sorry I was for my part in our demise. But I'm equally thrilled that I got to tell _you_ how sorry I was for everything I did back then. If he never spoke to me again, at least I'd know I've said my peace and he'd know that I never meant to hurt him."

We walked in silence for several minutes as she seemed to digest all I'd said. Truthfully, I was a little talked out, so the silence was welcomed.

"Thank you for admitting all that to me, Sookie," she said, breaking the silence. "I'm glad to finally know that it wasn't me that drove you away, and I'm truly sorry for all you went through besides the stress of your relationship with Eric. I had no idea about your family or previous sexual partners. It certainly explains a lot."

We walked for several more minutes in silence after that. I could tell she had more she wanted to say by the look on her face, but I'd give her the space she needed to find how to express her thoughts. After being so accepting of me now, after how rotten I was to her as a kid, I'd give her forever to spit it out if she needed.

Izzy took a deep breath and released it slowly before beginning again. "I'm really happy you got to say all those things to Eric and myself, Sookie, but I'll ask you again. Why now?"

I cocked my head at her in response. I'd just spent many, many minutes explaining this, so I wasn't sure what she was asking me.

"I mean, you couldn't have come to this realization in the last few months after all the time that's past. So what prompted this burning need for apologies? It sounds like an A.A. thing? Or a deathbed confession. So what is it I don't know?"

"Oh, got it. Sorry," I blushed at my ignorance. "I had cancer a little while back. Thyroid cancer. I wasn't sure for a while there if I was going to live or not. I wasn't still in love with my husband, I had so many regrets about different things in my past. I didn't want to leave this earth without telling Eric how sorry I was that I couldn't be the person I am today all those years ago. Body changes aside, I'm much happier with myself today. I don't sweat the small stuff, I live more in the moment than I ever did before, I'm way more well adjusted and have put a lot of my childhood behind me. I'm not trying to paint myself as a saint here or anything, but I'm happier with me now. I'd rather have the body I used to _AND_ be a happier, more well adjusted person, but you can't have it all I guess.

"Anyway, even after I learned I was going to survive the cancer, I still just needed to tell him. Almost dying changes everything. I've lost a lot more friends than I should have at my age already, and I didn't want to waste one more day without taking care of the things I could. Eric isn't the only person I've made amends with, but he's the only man I loved that I have. I'd lost touch with a few friends for stupid shit and was able to make peace with them. I was able to tell my grandfather was an abusive, miserable fuck he was before he died, and laid out in detail the emotional damage his abuse did to me. I got to know my half sister and brother, and told my father everything I ever wanted to. I'm happy to say I have a relationship with my sister now, which is amazing. I talk to my brother every so often, but he's too much like the old man to really have a place in my life. I put things right in my life. So, as much as I hate to say it, if I were to go tomorrow to meet my maker, most people would know where they stood with me."

We'd walked completely around the neighborhood as we talked and were rapidly approaching her house again. Izzy grabbed my hand and pulled me to a stop. "I'm so sorry for what you've been through. I know all too well how awful illness can be. I'm glad you're okay now and that you've made peace with your life. Whatever happens with you and my son, I want you to know how glad I am that you both will have gotten closure about your past. He cared a great deal for you back then, and I know that the last few arguments you two had weighed heavily on him. I'm glad that whether you decided to start over as friends or lovers, or if you decide to never speak again, that you've settled things between you. The only request I have is to make sure that you don't bring any of that old crazy around my grandbabies. Either one of you. They don't deserve it and I won't tolerate it. Their mother is a big bag of crazy all on her own, those boys don't need yours and Eric's shit to fuck them up further. You keep the crazy at bay and I'm in your corner. You don't and I'll eat you alive, Sookie. I let far too much happen with you and my son all those years ago. I won't tolerate anything messing with those little boys."

"I understand completely, Isobel. And you have my word. No crazy here," I vowed. "I don't have it in me to deal with it again and I'd never want to hurt those boys."

She shocked me by pulling me into a tight embrace, which I happily returned. After several moments she pulled back, with a sly smile on her face.

"Come on now, let's go see if they're done chatting so you can take that boy back to your hotel and show him a good time. Poodle-girl didn't know a good time from a proctology exam, the boy could use a night with you!"

I turned beat red before erupting into a fit of laughter. I followed her into the house, truly happy for the first time in a while. No matter what happens, I've made my apologies for my behavior as a teen. I can't force anyone to forgive me, or change their opinions of me or my behavior back then. But I can, and do, mean it when I apologize and I'm a different person in almost every way than I was then. I hoped to be able to build at least a new friendship with Eric, if not more, but if not at least we got our moment to forgive one another.

That's more than most people get in life, and I would be forever grateful to have had mine.

_**%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%**_

_**I understand that my ex (the story inspiration) just had his second child and I couldn't be happier for him. I'm so happy he's happily married and has two wonderful children. I haven't been in love with him in a very, very long time, but he'll always have a piece of my soul as my first love. We shared a lot together and loved each other like crazy as kids, but in the end it wasn't enough to keep us together. I'd hoped that he and I could be friends, but for whatever reason it doesn't seem to be in the cards for us. I'm still happy I got to speak my peace to him this past spring and that we had our closure. I'm thrilled to be in contact with his brother again; he was always a cool cat and pretty much stayed out of the drama with his brother and I (which I was always grateful for). Before having my son it was easy to play the "what if" game with thoughts of him and another man I loved very much at one time – but that game gets you nowhere. And now I wouldn't change a minute of my life, because it gave me my son. And he wouldn't be exactly who he is if my life choices hadn't led me to the moment of his conception. **_

_**Everything works out the way it's supposed to, even if you don't understand that at the time.**_

_**And for all those waiting for chapter 21 of "A Thousand Years" – it's with K (my editor) now and we'll get it to you as soon as we can. Real-life is hectic with the holidays and job interviews, family, etc. **_

_**Thanks for taking this journey with me! Love and hugs to all.**_


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